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Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v.2

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v. 2
It is a fact that working hours are getting longer and the work pressure is getting more intense these days. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and there are some things that employers can do to help their staffs. The following essay will discuss them in details. For a number of reasons, people’s working hours are getting longer and jobs are getting more stressful nowadays. Firstly, it is due to the tight competition in the labour market. As the supply of labour is higher than the demand, it means that there are more people who are looking for jobs and employers could be selective in hiring their potential employees. As a result, employers would select labours who are multiple talents, could work for long hours and could handle many tasks. Secondly, as business competition become tougher these days, companies are working in a more effective and efficient manners. Consequently, there will be less manpower in many companies, which means they only recruit selected people who can do many things at once and could work long hours. There are several things that employers could do to solve the problem. It is believed that exercises could reduce stress level, therefore many companies are providing fitness centre in their office these days. This facility can be used by their employees outside of the working hours for free and it is hoped that employees could maintain their health condition. And then, employers could also hire unpaid internship to assist their employees.   It is expected that with the assistance of internships, it would reduce the workload and working hours of employees. To sum up, it is a fact that works are more stressful and take longer hours these days. To solve the issue, there are some things that employers could do, and one of them is providing gym facilities to employees for reducing their stress level.   Another thing is that employers could also recruit unpaid internship to assist employees as it would reduce the long working hours.
It is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are getting longer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure is getting more intense these days. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their staffs. The following essay will discuss them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are getting longer and jobs are getting more stressful nowadays.
Firstly
, it is due to the tight competition in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market. As the supply of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is higher than the demand, it means that there are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are looking for jobs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could be selective in hiring their potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
would select
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
who are multiple talents, could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and could handle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks.
Secondly
, as business competition become tougher these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a more effective and efficient manners.
Consequently
, there will be less manpower in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recruit selected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things at once and could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours.

There are several things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could do to solve the problem. It
is believed
that exercises could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are providing fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in their office these days. This facility can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for free and it
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could maintain their health condition. And then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could
also
hire unpaid internship to assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that with the assistance of internships, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the workload and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of employees.

To sum up, it is a fact that works are more stressful and take longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
these days. To solve the issue, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could do, and one of them is providing gym facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for reducing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Another thing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could
also
recruit unpaid internship to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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