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Do you think students should have a long break between school years or should they go to school continuously throughout the year? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Do you think students should have a long break between school years or should they go to school continuously throughout the year? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Some argue that developed countries should provide extravagant help to the developing countries for attaining their necessities, while others argue that it is the responsibility of the home country to feed their nation in all aspects. This essay states that the wealthy countries should put their rational and explicit efforts towards assisting these nations, by providing education facilities and making the investment in different sectors, like agriculture. Developed nations should provide aid to the needy ones, for free education. This is because, it improves the literacy rate so that their new generation will be more qualified and well developed, consequently. As a result, these nations can stand on their feet and will be less needful in the nearby future. For example, the recent education survey, done by the “World Bank”, suggests that the government should spend more than 30% of their gross income on the education sector because it increases the gross income with the double proportion in the next half-decade. Moreover, the rich nations offer their helping hand to the developing countries, rationally, by investing in their agricultural sector. This is because it doesn’t just make the country self-sufficient in food, but it also escalates employment opportunities. As a result, it reduces the detrimental effects of poverty, contributes to Gross Domestic Production and makes the country economically strong. For instance, the recent survey of “BBC” reveals the fact behind the economic strength of Greece, it states that after the vicious recession in agriculture just because of France’s investment in their sector they cope with it in just a few years, ironically, and today are self-sufficient. To conclude, it is stated that poor countries should be self-reliant by utilizing their available resources, but looking from my vantage point, I can say that wealthy nations would play a better role in making deprived nations to be independent through education and investment in farming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide extravagant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for attaining their necessities, while others argue that it is the responsibility of the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
in all aspects. This essay states that the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should put their rational and explicit efforts towards assisting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities and making the investment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, like agriculture.

Developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should provide aid to the needy ones, for free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the literacy rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their new generation will be more qualified and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
,
consequently
.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can stand on their feet and will be less needful in the nearby future.
For example
, the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
survey, done by the “World Bank”, suggests that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more than 30% of their gross income on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases the gross income with the double proportion in the
next
half-decade.

Moreover
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
offer their helping hand to the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
rationally
, by investing in their agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it doesn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
self-sufficient in food,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
escalates employment opportunities.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the detrimental effects of poverty, contributes to Gross Domestic Production and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economically
strong.
For instance
, the recent survey of “BBC” reveals the fact behind the economic strength of Greece, it states that after the vicious recession in agriculture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of France’s investment in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
they cope with it in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few years,
ironically
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are self-sufficient.

To conclude
, it
is stated
that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be self-reliant by utilizing their available resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
looking from my vantage point, I can say that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
would play a better role in making deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to be independent through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and investment in farming.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think students should have a long break between school years or should they go to school continuously throughout the year? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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