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Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1
According to the development of digital technology, the film industry has been expanded so we can see not only movies from famous studios but also films from anyone capable of making films. I personally suppose that this development could have both positive and negative. On the one hand, everyone has the ability to produce films that would be seen as positive for some reasons. Firstly, films industry can meet a higher level in quality due to this development. For instance, when many people attempt to produce films, it can create a competitive market where filmmakers have to increase their film’s quality. Secondly, people need a team to produce films so many freelancers can get a jobs. As an example, make-up artists play an important role to manufacture a film. On the other hand, a large number of filmmakers can bring some troubles. Some people pay almost their attention to make the film become popular instead of making the film become artwork. To be more precious, some filmmakers manufacture films contain inappropriate contents such as violence or sexual films to find fame. If a topic is exploited too much to make movies, it will be boring for viewers. In other words, the subject about zombies is familiar with us so movies on this subject usually won’t get much attention. To conclude, the development of filmmakers can bring advantages and disadvantages to film industry.
According to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of digital technology, the film industry has
been expanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
movies from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
studios
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
films from anyone capable of making films. I
personally
suppose that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
could have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

On the one hand, everyone has the ability to produce films that would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, films industry can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a higher level in quality due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
For instance
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attempt to produce films, it can create a competitive market where filmmakers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
increase their film’s quality.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need a team to produce films
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
freelancers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a job" or simply "jobs"?
a jobs
. As an example,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
-up artists play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to manufacture a film.

On the other hand
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
filmmakers can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pay almost their attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the film become popular
instead
of making the film become artwork. To be more precious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
filmmakers manufacture films contain inappropriate contents such as violence or sexual films to find fame. If a topic
is exploited
too much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
movies, it will be boring for viewers.
In other words
, the subject about zombies is familiar with us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
movies on this subject
usually
won’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much attention.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of filmmakers can bring advantages and disadvantages to film industry.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Nowadays it is not only large companies that can make films. Digital technology enables anyone to produce films. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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