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Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society v.8

Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society v. 8
As the society advances, the changes brought on with it, are inevitable. These days, getting married at a later stage, say in the thirties, is much more popular than it ever used to be. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of the trend and how it can benefit people. In fact, there are a few de-merits of getting married, in the thirties. Firstly, for instance, it is a widely known fact that the fertility reduces with aging, especially in the advanced countries. Secondly, Not only the chance of receiving support from the grandparents for raising kids will be lower, as they are old enough, but also people would have to retire even before their kids have really grown up. Finally, there would be constant differences in opinion because of the large age gap between the parents and their kids. Admittedly, there is clearly much more benefit for marrying and having kids at an older age. For example, people do get matured with aging, which in turn would enable them to make better decisions in their life. Also, they would be financially sound and settled in their career, which helps them to focus on the kids well. Recent research has shown that individuals who prefer to marry at a later stage are more successful as well as better equipped to raise the children well, compared to their counterparts. To sum up, in my opinion, I believe that the people have more benefits by marrying in their thirties, rather than in their younger days. With all the advancements and developments that the society constantly brings on, things are bound to change.
As the society advances, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
brought on with it, are inevitable. These days, getting married at a later stage, say in the thirties, is much more popular than it ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages of the trend and how it can benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In fact, there are a few
Possible spelling mistake found.
de-merits
of getting married, in the thirties.
Firstly
,
for instance
, it is a
widely
known fact that the fertility
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
with aging,
especially
in the advanced countries.
Secondly
, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the chance of receiving support from the grandparents for raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will be
Did you mean "lowed", "lowered"?
lower
, as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
retire even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have
really
grown up.
Finally
, there would be constant differences in opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the large age gap between the parents and their kids.

Admittedly
, there is
clearly
much more benefit for marrying and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
at an older age.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
matured with aging, which in turn would enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions in their life.
Also
, they would be
financially
sound and settled in their career, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
well. Recent research has shown that individuals who prefer to marry at a later stage are more successful
as well
as better equipped to raise the children well, compared to their counterparts.

To sum up, in my opinion, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more benefits by marrying in their thirties,
rather
than in their younger days. With all the advancements and developments that the society
constantly
brings on, things
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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