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Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society? v.5

Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 5
t has been a ubiquitous phenomenon that people are getting married late in current society. Some people advocate that getting married in their thirties is an ideal age, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I believe that a late marriage or no marriage is a symbol of societal prosperity and progress. Which social trend would be optimal for society? This essay will discuss my views in detail with supporting examples. On the one hand, there is a proclivity to believe that the best time to start a family is when individuals' economic and educational levels are enough to support a family. Mainly this is because many failed marriages have an unstable source of finances that causes frequent family quarrels. For instance, when one starts a family, the daily expenses, loans, babysitting and education fees are a considerable amount of money. Moreover, other issues that will require years of life experience and wisdom to deal with, such as the upbringing of children and disputes with significant one's family, which will gradually emerge after the first child. As a result, there would undoubtedly be a significant impact like a ripple effect influencing family, friends and social development. In addition, one should also consider that young people who marry early do not seriously reevaluate whether marriage is right for them. In other words, many people who rely on the mainstream values of society and the opinions of their parents as the basis do not have the capability to think independently. For example, a person in her thirties may have a mature mentality to make the decision after seeing people around her have been through marriage, divorce, or being single. Therefore, such a mature behaviour would definitely have a valuable contribution to lead a civilized and progressive society, because people no longer follow the standards of others' lives blindly. In conclusion, albeit many previous generations take early marriage for granted, many aspects that involve reality and personal choice are needed to carefully considered. In my view, if society is based on gender equality, equal pay and comprehensive social welfare, one can consider whether marriage is an option for individuals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
t
has been a ubiquitous phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting married late in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advocate that getting married in their thirties is an ideal age, while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I believe that a late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is a symbol of societal prosperity and progress. Which social trend would be optimal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
? This essay will discuss my views in detail with supporting examples.

On the one hand, there is a proclivity to believe that the best time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is when individuals' economic and educational levels are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Mainly
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriages
have an unstable source of finances that causes frequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
quarrels.
For instance
, when one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the daily expenses, loans, babysitting and education fees are a considerable amount of money.
Moreover
, other issues that will require years of life experience and wisdom to deal with, such as the upbringing of children and disputes with significant one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which will
gradually
emerge after the
first
child.
As a result
, there would
undoubtedly
be a significant impact like a ripple effect influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, friends and social development.

In addition
, one should
also
consider that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who marry early do not
seriously
reevaluate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is right for them.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on the mainstream values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and the opinions of their parents as the basis do not have the capability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
.
For example
, a person in her thirties may have a mature mentality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision after seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around her have been through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
, divorce, or being single.
Therefore
, such a mature
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
would definitely have a valuable contribution to lead a civilized and progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer follow the standards of others'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
blindly
.

In conclusion
, albeit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
previous generations take early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
for granted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects that involve reality and personal choice
are needed
to
carefully
considered. In my view, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is based
on gender equality, equal pay and comprehensive social welfare, one can consider whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is an option for individuals.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays it is common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are younger. that this trend will benefit society? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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