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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.10

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 10
Thesedays, it is widely accepted that children have more opportunities to live in hygienic surroundings, approach to nourishing meals and lead a healthy life than ever before. However, modern lifestyles mean that many children spend long hours in front of the television or computers, forget to have a balanced diet or do exercise. Some people believe that both schools and parents have responsibilities dealing with this issue. I completely agree with this idea and in this essay, I will set out to explain why. First of all, parents are believed to have the main responsibility to stop the unhealthy lifestyle of their children. It is apparent that parents are the main caregiver, and are the one spending the most time with their kids. Therefore, they are under obligation, not only to provide their children with a three-course meal, but also to give them guidelines for activities in the freetime to keep fit. In addition, because parents always have a great influence on the development of teenagers, they are expected to be the primary role model of leading a healthy lifestyle. Reseachers have found that children are more likely to make a habit of doing outside activities regularly if their parents often play sports with them. Second, it is a big responsibility for schools to deal with the bad lifestyle of students. In the first 18 years, children often spend most of their times at school, which is one of the main factor affecting their way of living. The more extra-curricular activities about healthy lifestyle schools hold, the more knowledge students can gain and follow. On the other hand, there are some people argue that only parents are responsible for guide kids live a healthy life. However, how to get a good way of living including a lot of academic knowledge that even many parents don’t know about. Schools may be the best place for students to access to those helpful information. To sum up, while parents are duty bound to provide children nourishing meals and have a exercise routine, teachers are the one that give them background and specialist knowledge to live in a positive way. Personally, I believe that kids can lead a healthier life if they are under the guidance of both parents and teachers.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Thesedays
, it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in hygienic surroundings, approach to nourishing meals and lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
mean that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend long hours in front of the television or computers, forget to have a balanced diet or do exercise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have responsibilities dealing with this issue. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay, I will set out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are believed
to have the main responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the main caregiver, and are the one spending the most time with their kids.
Therefore
, they are under obligation, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a three-course meal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to give them guidelines for activities in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
freetime
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always have a great influence on the development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be the primary role model of leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Reseachers
have found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a habit of doing outside activities
regularly
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play sports with them.

Second, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to deal with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of students. In the
first
18 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend most of their times at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, which is one of the main factor affecting their way of living. The more extra-curricular activities about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
hold, the more knowledge students can gain and follow.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for guide kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.
However
, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way of living including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
academic knowledge that even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
don’t know about.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
may be the best place for students to access to those helpful information.

To sum up, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are duty bound to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nourishing meals and have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
exercise routine, teachers are the one that give them background and specialist knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
Personally
, I believe that kids can lead a healthier life if they are under the guidance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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