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Nowadays international tourism is the biggest industry worldwide. Unfortunately, sometimes it creates tension between people from different cultures, instead of better understanding. Why do you think it is happening and how can be improved? v.1

Nowadays international tourism is the biggest industry worldwide. Unfortunately, sometimes it creates tension between people from different cultures, instead of better understanding. Why do you think it is happening and how can be improved? v. 1
People travel to other countries for many different reasons. Although, it becomes the reason to fight among people belongs to different religions. This essay will cover two areas: causes of this problem which consist of people not knowing other customs; and its solutions, which include people read about destination history and custom before travelling. To begin with, people belong to different ritual live in this world and they travel to other countries or cities where people devote to some other morality and sometime they make fun of them without knowing their customs. For example, In the Sikh religion, people have to wear turban or keep some piece of cloth on their head before entering into Sikh temple. However, if someone does not know about this Sikh custom can cause some misunderstanding between two different religion's people. Thus, not knowing the customs of other spiritually can cause issues. However, tension between two different cultures can be solved if visitor reads about country history and custom before travel. They can search for their destination country's history and about people believes who lives there. Additionally, People also need to be broadminded and understand that the traveller might not aware the rules and try to educate them rather than start fighting. To conclude, lack of awareness is the reason for tension between two different religions and people can solve this issue by educating himself before travelling.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
reasons.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it becomes the reason to fight among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
belongs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
religions. This essay will cover two areas: causes of this problem which consist of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
customs; and its solutions, which include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
read about destination history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
travelling.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belong to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ritual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries or cities where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
morality and sometime they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fun of them without knowing their customs.
For example
, In the Sikh religion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wear turban or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
piece of cloth on their head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
entering into Sikh temple.
However
, if someone does not know about this Sikh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misunderstanding between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
religion's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, not knowing the customs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
spiritually
can cause issues.

However
, tension between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures can
be solved
if visitor reads about country history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
travel. They can search for their destination country's history and about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
believes
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
there.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
need to
be broadminded
and understand that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
might not aware the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and try to educate them
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fighting.

To conclude
, lack of awareness is the reason for tension between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
religions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can solve this issue by educating himself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
travelling.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Nowadays international tourism is the biggest industry worldwide. Unfortunately, sometimes it creates tension between people from different cultures, instead of better understanding. Why do you think it is happening and how can be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
232 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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