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In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v.2

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2
It is a fact that the kids today enjoy more privileges than the last generation. This is an advantageous scenario, because of its positive effects on the individual and the society. To begin with, the freedom at their hand is enabling the children to voice out their opinions. As a result, they are able to choose their education and career, which they are passionate about. In turn, this helps them to be evolved as, more involved and dedicated professionals at work. This was not a possibility for the previous generations, as they were generally forced by their parents regarding education and career. For example, children these days opt for interesting professions in fields such as arts, travelling and creative skills which were discouraged by the parents in the past. In addition, greater freedom comes with greater responsibility. In other words, they experience many scenarios much earlier than their parents, which prepares them for the world at an early stage and also makes them more responsible. For instance, children these days are working during their holidays to make some extra money. This not only enables them to meet their own expenses, but also makes them more responsible at a younger age. However, there are few negative aspects of this scenario. In some cases, unlimited freedom can lead children into a bad company, which can cause potential damage to their lives. To exemplify this, the recent survey in The United States, has revealed that at least 50 percent of the adolescents are under the influence of illegal drugs in the past three years. In conclusion, in recent days, children are enjoying more privileges than ever. Although this has some cons such as, being influenced by bad company, it is a very positive scenario because of its good impact on the people and society as a whole. Hence, this should be encouraged further to expand their horizons more.
It is a fact that the kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
enjoy more privileges than the last generation. This is an advantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenario
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on the individual and the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the freedom at their hand is enabling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to voice out their opinions.
As a result
, they are able to choose their education and career, which they are passionate about. In turn, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be evolved
as, more involved and dedicated professionals at work. This was not a possibility for the previous generations, as they were
generally
forced by their parents regarding education and career.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days opt for interesting professions in fields such as arts, travelling and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
were discouraged
by the parents in the past.

In addition
, greater freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with greater responsibility.
In other words
, they experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenarios
much earlier than their parents, which prepares them for the world at an early stage and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more responsible.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days are working during their holidays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra money. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enables them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more responsible at a younger age.

However
, there are few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenario
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, unlimited freedom can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, which can cause potential damage to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To exemplify this, the recent survey in The United States, has revealed that at least 50 percent of the adolescents are under the influence of illegal drugs in the past three years.

In conclusion
, in recent days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are enjoying more privileges than ever. Although this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons such as,
being influenced
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scenario
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and society as a whole.
Hence
, this should
be encouraged
further
to expand their horizons more.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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