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Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.9

Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. with this statement? v. 9
In the modern world, many women have full time jobs. Accordingly, they spend most of the time in the workplace. A a result, the female usually exhausted after the work. In this regard, they are willing to share household tasks with male. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that men should support their partners. On the one hand, it is true that some women cannot cope with all household tasks. In this case, they often need a support and help. Moreover, nowadays, female are suggested to do various kinds of task at home, such as watching, cleaning and taking care of babies. Some people believe that a reasonable way to solve this problem is men's assistant. For instance, they can do for their wives minor tasks, such as cooking and shopping. In addition, husband's initiative in itself a motivational factor. On the other hand, it it clear that the majority of men do not tend to do a housework. In this regard, they are willing to bring the money, and not participate in such work. Furthermore, if men begin to help women, they can get interrupted from their main men's works, such as earning money. To illustrate, some men in developing countries have stopped working because their partners earn more money. In addition, men's characteristics also can be damaged too. For example, they can inherit some feminine traits, for example, be gentle. To conclude, although many people are reckoned to think that men should not assist women at home, personally, I believe that every male should provide a support and help for their spouses. However, they should not inherit their counterparts' characteristics.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have full time jobs.
Accordingly
, they spend most of the time in the workplace.
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "A" or "a" is left.
A a
result, the female
usually
exhausted after the work. In this regard, they are willing to share household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
with male. After pondering this phenomenon, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should support their partners.

On the one hand, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot cope with all household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
.
In this case
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need a support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Moreover
, nowadays, female
are suggested
to do various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
at home, such as watching, cleaning and taking care of babies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a reasonable way to solve this problem is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's assistant.
For instance
, they can do for their wives minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
, such as cooking and shopping.
In addition
, husband's initiative in itself a motivational factor.

On the other hand
,
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
Did you mean "clears"?
clear
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do not tend to do a housework. In this regard, they are willing to bring the money, and not participate in such work.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
interrupted from their main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's works, such as earning money. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their partners earn more money.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's characteristics
also
can
be damaged
too.
For example
, they can inherit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feminine traits,
for example
, be gentle.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should not assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
at home,
personally
, I believe that every male should provide a support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for their spouses.
However
, they should not inherit their counterparts' characteristics.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. with this statement? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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