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Nowadays, in many countries chemicals are used to produce and preserve food. Are the advantages of this use overweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Nowadays, in many countries chemicals are used to produce and preserve food. Are the advantages of this use overweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
At the present time in very common in many states that they put chemical substances to store and growth of food. The essay will argue that despite it brings aroma, attractiveness and last long, there are far more dangerous health impact on adults and children. In most of cases, chemicals have been used to prevent rotting and make it attractive to the consumers. People love to order any cuisine, which smells good and beautiful in colour. Moreover, businessmen want to have more profit from their products and they want to keep it for a longer time on their shelves. For example, Fishermen in Bangladesh are using Formalin to keep fish more than two weeks, which creates health issue in local citizen such as indigestion, liver cirrhosis, high blood pressure and the most dangerous stroke and heart attach. However, gaining little more profit is creating a mass destruction of human well-being cannot justify the use of food chemical. Although there are some chemicals are good for the human body, most of them are very harmful. It causes life threatening diseases among people and it can be very hard to have a clinical treatment. Many farmers are using deadly toxin to prevent their crops from insects causes diseases like asthma, slow breathing, liver cancer. For example, An Indian farmer names Ravi Shankar in West Bengal state used to use Viaodin on his eggplant farm and later he diagnosed with breathing problems. Therefore, to have a healthy nation, people ought not to use toxic material when growing crops as well as to keep it in storage. In conclusion, using chemical products in food cultivation and storing may give business profit, but its negative sides such as impact on the health far outweigh the advantages.
At the present time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states that they put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
substances to store and growth of food. The essay will argue that despite it brings aroma, attractiveness and last long, there are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
health impact on adults and children.

In
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the cases") or simply say "most cases".
most of cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
rotting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it attractive to the consumers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to order any cuisine, which smells
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.
Moreover
, businessmen want to have more profit from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it for a longer time on their shelves.
For example
, Fishermen in Bangladesh are using Formalin to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fish more than two weeks, which creates health issue in local citizen such as indigestion, liver cirrhosis, high blood pressure and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stroke and heart attach.
However
, gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more profit is creating a mass destruction of human well-being cannot justify the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of food chemical.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the human body, most of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful. It causes life threatening diseases among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have a clinical treatment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
farmers are using deadly toxin to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their crops from insects causes diseases like asthma, slow breathing, liver cancer.
For example
, An Indian farmer names Ravi Shankar in West Bengal state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viaodin
on his eggplant farm and later he diagnosed with breathing problems.
Therefore
, to have a healthy nation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ought not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
toxic material when growing crops
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it in storage.

In conclusion
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
products in food cultivation and storing may give business profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides such as impact on the health far outweigh the advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, in many countries chemicals are used to produce and preserve food. Are the advantages of this use overweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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