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Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

There are huge differences between men and women in most aspects of life. Some people debate whether men have a more competitive nature compared to women. Personally, I strongly disagree with this statement. In terms of competency, I believe that women are more superior. This assay will discuss the reasons behind my belief, giving examples from daily life to prove my point of view. Firstly, the myth of the superior physical endurance of men over women has been shattered by the ability of many sportswomen to win competitions against sportsmen. For example, in Tennis, most of the mixed games in Australia, where women were allowed to compete against men, have been won by female competitors. Secondly, despite the fact that, for the last two decades, most sophisticated jobs were majorly occupied by men, women have succeeded to find their ways into the most critical lines of work. Once they have been given the chance to show their true nature, they were able to surpass their fellowmen and even became their bosses. For instance, the successful launching of the Apollo mission into the space in 1986 were attributed to the hard work of a group of five female mathematicians who were able to compete against all the odds and win their place into the Apollo team. In conclusion, it is conclusively clear that women can show a higher competency against men provided that they are given the chance.
There are huge differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in most aspects of life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have a more competitive nature compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Personally
, I
strongly
disagree with this statement. In terms of competency, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more superior. This assay will discuss the reasons behind my belief, giving examples from daily life to prove my point of view.

Firstly
, the myth of the superior physical endurance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has
been shattered
by the ability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sportswomen to win competitions against sportsmen.
For example
, in Tennis, most of the mixed games in Australia, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to compete against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, have
been won
by female competitors.

Secondly
, despite the fact that, for the last two decades, most sophisticated jobs were
majorly
occupied by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have succeeded to find their ways into the most critical lines of work. Once they have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their true nature, they were able to surpass their fellowmen and even became their bosses.
For instance
, the successful launching of the Apollo mission into the space in 1986
were attributed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work of a group of five female mathematicians who were able to compete against all the odds and win their place into the Apollo team.

In conclusion
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a higher competency against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
provided that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance.
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IELTS essay Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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