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Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer? v.1

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer? v. 1
In recent years it has become far more common for families to grow apart. In my opinion, both parents and children are the key players for this problem, and they should be the ones responsible for resolving it. There are many reasons to bring about the observed decline in the closeness of families. The most obvious one is connected to the busy lifestyles that we now lead. Most people have to work longer hours, and often both parents work, so they do not have as much time to spend with each other or their children as they did in the past. Another reason is distance. Children become adults, high school students apply for distant universities, and so forth. Such an event is a turning point among any families, which if not carefully handled, could mean growing not only physically apart but also emotionally. As a result, time and distance can be seen contributing significantly to the diversion of modern families. Therefore, to unite as a family, through thick and thin, requires efforts from all family members and not just one party. The first step is to invest more time in familial relationships. Making time to call or to connect to parents, siblings, or children on social media platforms, for example, means a lot to the person on the other end of the line. However, though a virtual connection is essential in today's society, face-to-face interactions are still critical to build up strong relationships. Families, therefore, should initiate real-life reunions regularly. Scheduled holidays in advance can be a great way to stay in touch, and give everyone something to look forward to. In summary, as society changes, families inevitably have to adapt to such transformations, which can make members less close compared to the old days. Nonetheless, such issues can be overcome as long as all parties in the family are willing to invest their time for their loved ones.
In recent years it has become far more common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to grow apart. In my opinion, both parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the key players for this problem, and they should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
responsible for resolving it.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to bring about the observed decline in the closeness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. The most obvious one
is connected
to the busy lifestyles that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
lead. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work longer hours, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
both parents work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have as much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with each other or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they did in the past. Another reason is distance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
become adults, high school students apply for distant universities, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. Such an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is a turning point among any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which
Did you mean "is"?
if
not
carefully
handled, could mean growing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physically
apart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
emotionally
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and distance can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
contributing
significantly
to the diversion of modern families.

Therefore
, to unite as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, through thick and thin, requires efforts from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one party. The
first
step is to invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in familial relationships. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to call or to connect to parents, siblings, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on social media platforms,
for example
, means a lot to the person on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the line.
However
, though a virtual connection is essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society, face-to-face interactions are
still
critical to build up strong relationships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
,
therefore
, should initiate real-life reunions
regularly
. Scheduled holidays in advance can be a great way to stay in touch, and give everyone something to look forward to.

In summary, as society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
inevitably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt to such transformations, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
members less close compared to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days. Nonetheless, such issues can
be overcome
as long as all parties in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are willing to invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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