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Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. v.2

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. v. 2
One of the greatest advantages for young students to study overseas is that they learn to be independent. Having to cook, clean, manage a budget, take care of themselves, pay bills and take important decisions, they become self-reliance and this instils good quality among them. Often they have to work part-time to make ends meet, and this impresses upon them the importance of work and money management. Another important factor of studying in a foreign country is that these children will be exposed to different cultures and diverse ways of thinking. They will become more open-minded and tolerant and are likely to become more adaptable individuals. Getting exposes to different situations, they would become better decision-makers. One of the main motives for sending young people abroad to study is that it enhances their employment prospects. In my experience of living in foreign countries and speaking to various youths, it seems that a foreign education is regarded as something desirable and helpful in getting a decent job. A degree from Britain, for example, is seen as being of a higher standard than one from a developing country. Furthermore, living in a foreign country may lead to fluency in a second language, which is another selling point for prospective employers. In addition, many companies are keen to recruit people with a global outlook. There are a few drawbacks, however. For instance, without parental supervision, the new found freedom children experience may lead to harmful practices such as drug abusing and rampant lifestyle. Reluctance or inability to reintegrate into their mother country is another one that is often considered as a negative effect of this trend. To sum up, it can be seen that the advantages of studying abroad for children are more numerous than the disadvantages. Of course a lot depends on the age of the child, but I believe that for most teenagers it would be a positive experience.
One of the greatest advantages for young students to study overseas is that they learn to be independent. Having to cook, clean, manage a budget, take care of themselves, pay bills and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
self-reliance and this
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality among them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work part-time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, and this impresses upon them the importance of work and money management.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor of studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is that these children will
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and diverse ways of thinking. They will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more open-minded and tolerant and are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more adaptable individuals. Getting exposes to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
better decision-makers. One of the main motives for sending young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
abroad to study is that it enhances their employment prospects. In my experience of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and speaking to various youths, it seems that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
education
is regarded
as something desirable and helpful in getting a decent job. A degree from Britain,
for example
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as being of a higher standard than one from a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Furthermore
, living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may lead to fluency in a second language, which is another selling point for prospective employers.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are keen to recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with a global outlook.

There are a few drawbacks,
however
.
For instance
, without parental supervision, the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
new found
freedom children experience may lead to harmful practices such as drug abusing and rampant lifestyle. Reluctance or inability to reintegrate into their mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is another one
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of this trend.

To sum up, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the advantages of studying abroad for children are more numerous than the disadvantages.
Of course
a lot depends on the age of the child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that for most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
it would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experience.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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