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Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement? v.1

Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. v. 1
In the recent years education in foreign countries has become easier and more individuals send their progeny to universities and schools in other countries. Although there are some people believe that travelling abroad in order to join a foreign school or a university is a negative trend, I entirely disagree. Opponents of this phenomenon claim that studying in foreign countries can be a burden on youngsters as they can face several obstacles such as a sense of alienation and seclusion from their home country which may affect adversely their academic achievement. However, this thought is rather ill-founded and the truth might be the opposite. I believe that with the help of the modern technology the world has become a small village, and now young people can use a plethora of applications to connect with their families in a simple way. For instance, they can use Viber, which is an application that assist people to make video calls and send photographs to their beloved ones, in order to keep in touch with their families all the time. Another two reasons behind my argument are that travelling in favor of studying in prestigious university in any country not only broaden youth horizons’ but also ameliorate their characters. That is to say, mingling with different cultures can probably help young people to acquire knowledge about new places and learn a new language. For instance, the British Council has announced that the best technique to learn English is through daily life interactions with native speakers in London. In addition, young people, who travel abroad, have to pay their bills and sometimes they need to work along with their studies so as to earn money. This may eventually have a benevolent impact on their characters as they become more responsible. To conclude, I believe that sending youth to study in another country is a beneficial approach owing to the improvements which can happen to their personalities and knowledge. If all the hardships they may face were overcome, youngsters would benefit in many ways.
In the recent
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "years'" or "year's"?
years
education in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has become easier and more individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their progeny to universities and schools in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that travelling abroad in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a foreign school or a university is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend, I
entirely
disagree.

Opponents of this phenomenon claim that studying in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can be a burden on youngsters as they can face several obstacles such as a sense of alienation and seclusion from their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which may affect
adversely
their academic achievement.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is
rather
ill-founded and the truth might be the opposite. I believe that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the modern technology the world has become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a plethora of applications to connect with their families
Consider replacing "in a simple way" with the adverb for "simple"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a simple way
.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
, which is an application that assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
photographs to their beloved ones, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their families all the time.

Another two reasons behind my argument are that travelling in favor of studying in prestigious university in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broaden youth horizons’
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ameliorate their characters.
That is
to say, mingling with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures can
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to acquire knowledge about new places and learn a new language.
For instance
, the British Council has announced that the best technique to learn English is through daily life interactions with native speakers in London.
In addition
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who travel abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay their bills and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they need to work along with their studies
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
earn money. This may
eventually
have a benevolent impact on their characters as they become more responsible.

To conclude
, I believe that sending youth to study in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is a beneficial approach owing to the improvements which can happen to their personalities and knowledge. If all the hardships they may face
were overcome
, youngsters would benefit in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement? v.1