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Nowadays, children watch TV more than they did in the past. What are the reasons? Give solution. v.4

Nowadays, children watch TV more than they did in the past. What are the reasons? Give solution. v. 4
These days, a growing number of young parents determine to give birth later in their life. This can be attributed to some reasons and some effects either positive or negative can be considered. There are a number of reasons to explain this issue. First, since many young people are willing to pursue careers, delaying parenthood helps them have much more time to get more done. This means that they can lead to greater success in their work. Second, young individuals understand the magnitude of child rearing responsibility, they in turn give birth later. In fact, taking care of babies, either feeding or soothing babies is considered as a full time job, which discourages many would – be parents. On the other hand, giving birth later has significant effects on young couples. On the positive side, it helps would – be parents spend more time on either personal hobbies or career promotion. For example, they can be travel more to enjoy their life and get more done with better commitments instead of taking care of their babies all day, which helps them get high level of happiness. On the negative one, delaying parenthood is responsible for infertility in many couples. In fact, people getting older are less likely to conceive, which costs an enormous amount of money to rescue them from this problem. In conclusion, giving babies later which is the trend of the modern times has many tremendous impacts on people's life. By considering all the pros and the cons, young couples can make the best decision.
These days, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
parents determine to give birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
in their life. This can
be attributed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
can
be considered
.

There are a number of reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this issue.
First
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are willing to pursue careers, delaying parenthood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them have much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more done. This means that they can lead to greater success in their work. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals understand the magnitude of child rearing responsibility, they in turn give birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
. In fact, taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
, either feeding or soothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
is considered
as a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job, which discourages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
be parents.

On the other hand
, giving birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
has significant effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples. On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
would
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
be parents spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on either personal hobbies or career promotion.
For example
, they can be travel more to enjoy their life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more done with better commitments
instead
of taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
all day, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high level of happiness. On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one, delaying parenthood is responsible for infertility in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
couples. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting older are less likely to conceive, which costs an enormous amount of money to rescue them from this problem.

In conclusion
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
babies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
later
which is the trend of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tremendous impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. By considering all the pros and the cons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
couples can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Nowadays, children watch TV more than they did in the past. What are the reasons? Give solution. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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