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The Internet when used as a source of information, has more drawbacks than advantages. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.2

The Internet when used as a source of information, has more drawbacks than advantages. v. 2
It is often believed that using the Internet as a source of information is not beneficial because this practice has many disadvantages. I personally disagree with this point of view as I believe that the Internet has given access to the large volume of valuable information to the general people. First of all, relying on the Internet for collecting information has considerable benefits to the ordinary people. By using the Internet, they can easily find out necessary data which is very crucial for solving various problems. While people face an obstacle in their daily life, they can simply browse google to get a possible solution of the problem. For example, a group of young people of my country used the Internet to know how to get rid of unemployment and by using the virtual instruction they started their own agricultural farm which enabled them to become successful entrepreneurs. Although it is widely claimed that the information available on the online platform is not always accurate, overall enormous benefits can be driven by using the online documents. Secondly, Internet driven knowledge is accessible to all classes of people. Nowadays people can collect any data without spending money because of the availability of materials on the Internet. As most of the intelligence on the internet is downloadable, people not only get a free access to a wide range of data, but also can preserve the online resources for their future use. For example, people can see job vacancies on the Internet, but previously people had to subscribe newspapers to get instruction about vacancies. Although fraudsters are using online platforms to circulate a false message, people can easily trace the real information. In conclusion, despite having some drawback online instruction is advantageous to all classes of people and it is easily accessible. I will recommend, the respective authorities erase the false knowledge from online platforms.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that using the Internet as a source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is not beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this practice has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages. I
personally
disagree with this point of view as I believe that the Internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
access to the large volume of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, relying on the Internet for collecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
has considerable benefits to the ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By using the Internet, they can
easily
find out necessary data which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for solving various problems. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face an obstacle in their daily life, they can
simply
browse google to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a possible solution of the problem.
For example
, a group of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of my country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the Internet to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of unemployment and by using the virtual instruction they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
agricultural farm which enabled them to become successful entrepreneurs. Although it is
widely
claimed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
available on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platform is not always accurate,
overall
enormous benefits can
be driven
by using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
documents.

Secondly
, Internet driven knowledge is accessible to all classes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can collect any data without spending money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of materials on the Internet. As most of the intelligence on the internet is downloadable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "free access".
a free access
to a wide range of data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
resources for their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
job vacancies on the Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
previously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to subscribe newspapers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
instruction about vacancies. Although fraudsters are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms to circulate a false message,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
trace the real information.

In conclusion
, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawback
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instruction is advantageous to all classes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it is
easily
accessible. I will recommend, the respective authorities erase the false knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The Internet when used as a source of information, has more drawbacks than advantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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