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Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active or creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more active? v.1

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active or creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more active? v. 1
Today children spend more time watching television than at any point in the past. The reason for this is the development of online streaming websites and parents should eschew smartphones to curb this trend towards passivity. The main reason that many children today spend an outsized amount of time watching television is that it is widely available on streaming websites. YouTube was the earliest, and now the most popular, streaming website for video content. Children are often allowed to watch it on smartphones or iPads. The more recent rise of streaming websites like Netflix and Hulu provide the same experience as television on the internet. Simply put, children spend more time watching because they have the ability to choose whatever show they want, pause it, and binge watch TV shows on a variety of portable devices with limited adult supervision. In order to discourage children from watching television, parents should not give their children smartphones under any circumstances. This is the first step that responsible parents must undertake. Once children are no longer tempted by phones, it is much easier to get them interested in creative outlets. Parents can sign up their children for art or music lessons. They could encourage them to do art at home and instead of putting a TV in their room, fill it with books and art supplies. Children’s natural curiosity and artistic energy will naturally take over from that point and parents then need only supervise, guide and intervene when called upon. In conclusion, parents can counterbalance the rise of streaming by banning portable devices and stocking up on art supplies. Unfortunately, it will take a concerted effort from the majority of parents to prevent children without devices from being ostracised socially.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
than at any point in the past.
The reason for this is
the development of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
websites and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should eschew smartphones to curb this trend towards passivity.

The main reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend an outsized amount of time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that it is
widely
available on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
websites. YouTube was the earliest, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the most popular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
for video content.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it on smartphones or iPads. The more recent rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
websites like Netflix and Hulu provide the same experience as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
on the internet.
Simply
put,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend more time watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the ability to choose whatever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
they want, pause it, and binge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on a variety of portable devices with limited adult supervision.

In order to discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
smartphones under any circumstances. This is the
first
step that responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
undertake. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are no longer tempted by phones, it is much easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them interested in creative outlets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "sing" (= to produce musical or harmonious sounds with one’s voice) instead of 'sign' (= to write one's signature)?
sign
up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
or music lessons. They could encourage them to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
at home and
instead
of putting a TV in their room, fill it with books and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
supplies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
natural curiosity and artistic energy will
naturally
take over from that point and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
then need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
supervise, guide and intervene when called upon.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can counterbalance the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streaming
by banning portable devices and stocking up on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
supplies. Unfortunately, it will take a concerted effort from the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without devices from being
Possible spelling mistake. 'ostracised' is British English.
ostracised
socially
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active or creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more active? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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