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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.8

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 8
Some individuals think that the most ideal way to career advancement is initially continuing education at either university or college, whereas it is is said that it can be more helpful if people start to find a job immediately after school. I believe that both notions can lead to an appealing career prospect. There are some people who may argue that the best route to get a thriving occupation is applying for higher education. The main reason behind this might be due to better financial situation. In other words, the more academic qualifications a person has acquired, the more likely to take up a job with decent salary. As well as that, white-collar professions can only be achievable by entering university. To illustrate, those who are enthusiastic about medical occupations will not be able to get theire desired job unless they take a medical degree at university to become eligible to work in healthcare environment. Hence, studying at university or college is the best way to be employed in satisfying jobs. On the other hand, it might be claimed that individuals should try to get a job after finishing their school in order to climb up career ladder. Since nowadays the employment market is becoming more and more competitive, some people may struggle to find a job. For instance, those who have graduated from universities may say that if they had tried to find a job after school rather than wasting their time at university, they would have had more job opportunities. More importantly, although studying at university gives students the chance to get a qualified degree, employers often are more willing to hire those who have gained valuable working experience. Consequently, the idea of being recruited straightly after school might be appealing on account of more business possiblities and experience. In conclusion, while some people may find higher education as the best way to take up a position in society, I believe that people whom are employed immediately after school can become as successful as educated workers provided they have enough motivation and dedication to follow their dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the most ideal way to career advancement is
initially
continuing education at either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college, whereas it is
is said
that it can be more helpful if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
immediately after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I believe that both notions can lead to an appealing career prospect.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may argue that the best route to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a thriving occupation is applying for higher education. The main reason behind this might be due to better financial situation.
In other words
, the more academic qualifications a person has acquired, the more likely to take up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with decent salary.
As well
as that, white-collar professions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achievable by entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. To illustrate, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are enthusiastic about medical occupations will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
theire
desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
unless they take a medical degree at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to become eligible to work in healthcare environment.
Hence
, studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college is the best way to
be employed
in satisfying jobs.

On the other hand
, it might
be claimed
that individuals should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in order to climb up career ladder. Since nowadays the employment market is becoming more and more competitive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may struggle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
may say that if they had tried to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than wasting their time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, they would have had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. More
importantly
, although studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
gives students the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a qualified degree, employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are more willing to hire those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have gained valuable working experience.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
being recruited
straightly
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
might be appealing on account of more business
Possible spelling mistake found.
possiblities
and experience.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
higher education as the best way to take up a position in society, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom
are employed
immediately after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can become as successful as educated workers provided they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
motivation and dedication to follow their dreams.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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