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Nowadays, children prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why it is happening? Is it positive or negative development? v.2

Nowadays, children prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why it is happening? Is it positive or negative development? v. 2
Over the last few decades, it has been seen that electronic and musical games are more popular as compared to handmade toys. Not only the use of electronic games has increased tremendously among children, but also it has caused a decline in the traditional games. However, electronic games have merits and drawbacks which will be hashed out in the following paragraph of this essay. To set off with the first and foremost plus point of electronic games such as video games, computer games, is that they provide enormous options for the kids. Secondly, some games enhance the thinking capabilities of children. What’s more is that, these are designed for all age groups, children can enjoy at home with other family members and can share a sense of belonging and entertainment. To exemplify, the playstation is a popular electronic gadget which has as option for multiple players. On the flip side of this, there are certainly negatives of these games. Primarily, they are expensive, and all parents may not able to afford them. More of it, these toys provide a lack of fitness features which cause health issues such as obesity among youngsters. Several other games can be played in playgrounds and in groups which help children in physical growth and team spirit skills. Having mulled over above viewpoints, I would like to conclude that though modern games improves aptitude and intelligence level while traditional games witness the physical stamina and social involvement about children. Therefore, it is conspicuous that it is high time, we should raise awareness about the significance of all varieties of games which encourages them in personal growth.
Over the last few decades, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
and musical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more popular as compared to handmade toys. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has increased
tremendously
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it has caused a decline in the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have merits and drawbacks which will
be hashed
out in the following paragraph of this essay.

To set off with the
first
and foremost plus point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, is that they provide enormous options for the kids.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
enhance the thinking capabilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. What’s more is that, these
are designed
for all age groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enjoy at home with other family members and can share a sense of belonging and entertainment. To exemplify, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
playstation
is a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
gadget which has as option for multiple players.

On the flip side of this, there are
certainly
negatives of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Primarily
, they are expensive, and all parents may not able to afford them. More of it, these toys provide a lack of fitness features which cause health issues such as obesity among youngsters. Several other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be played
in playgrounds and in groups which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in physical growth and team spirit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Having mulled over above viewpoints, I would like
to conclude
that though modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
aptitude and intelligence level while traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
witness the physical stamina and social involvement about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, it is conspicuous that it is high time, we should raise awareness about the significance of all varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which encourages them in personal growth.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Nowadays, children prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why it is happening? Is it positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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