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Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v.5

Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v. 5
Technology has affected each and every section of life, starting from education, business and ways of living. Likewise, there is a considerable change in the choice of games played. lately, children are more inclined towards electronic games than conventional television plays. Although, this preference is justifiable but it is not at all a positive development Lack of playgrounds and open spaces is the prime reason, because majority of population is shifting to cities to attain better lifestyles but houses in urban area are so congested that there is no scope of playing any outdoor games so they have to opt for electronic games. Secondly, online games are programmed on the principle of reward system, where players are offered virtual gifts after completing each level which motivates them to play again to receive high points. Lack of social skils, on the other hand, is the prime negative consequence of computerised games, because youngsters are highly influenced by virtual world of sports entertainment that they are neither interactive with others nor inquisitive about societal issues. To substantiate my view, it is commonly seen that students discuss about trending games and their progress in those games, oblivious to national affairs and currrent issues. Moreover, internet games are addictive resulting in wastage of precious time which can be spent in a constructive ways. It is evident by significant drop in the academic grades of students. Another demerit is hazardous effect on sensory and motor functions owing to emission of harmful radiations from mobile and computer screens. So poor physical health is also cause of concern. To sum up, albeit computerised games are essential part of contemporary world yet its disadvantages supersedes the advantages. Ergo, playing such games should be minimised.
Technology has
affected
each and every section of life, starting from education, business and ways of living.
Likewise
, there is a considerable
change
in the choice of
games
played.
lately
, children are more inclined towards electronic
games
than conventional television plays. Although, this preference is justifiable
but
it is not at all a
positive
development

Lack of playgrounds and open spaces is the prime reason,
because
majority of
population is shifting to cities to attain better lifestyles
but
houses
in urban area are
so
congested that there is no scope of playing any outdoor
games
so
they
have to
opt for electronic
games
.
Secondly
, online
games
are programmed
on the principle of reward system, where players
are offered
virtual gifts after completing each level which motivates them to play again to receive high points.

Lack of social
skils
,
on the other hand
, is the prime
negative
consequence of
computerised
games
,
because
youngsters are
highly
influenced by virtual world of sports entertainment that they are neither interactive with others nor inquisitive about societal issues. To substantiate my view, it is
commonly
seen
that students
discuss about trending
games
and their progress in those
games
, oblivious to national affairs and
currrent
issues.
Moreover
, internet
games
are addictive resulting in wastage of precious time which can
be spent
in a constructive
ways
. It is evident by significant drop in the academic grades of students.

Another demerit is hazardous effect on sensory and motor functions owing to emission of harmful radiations from mobile and computer screens.
So
poor physical health is
also
cause of concern.

To sum up, albeit
computerised
games
are essential part of contemporary world
yet
its disadvantages supersedes the advantages. Ergo, playing such
games
should be
minimised
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys? Why is it happening? is it a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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