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Nowadays children have too much freedom. Some people think it may be dangerous in some aspects. v.1

Nowadays children have too much freedom. Some people think it may be dangerous in some aspects. v. 1
It is considered by some people that, in modern times, children are rewarded with excessive liberty, which may be devastating in some aspects. While I somewhat agree with the statement, freedom is imperative for the all-round development of young ones, however, too much freedom may have some negative impacts. First and foremost, freedom is essentially important for the development of children in many aspects of life. In other words, liberty at a certain extent boosts self-confidence and foster independence in the young generation. They feel trust and love, which increase their moral to do things confidently and build the personality to become more self-dependent. Moreover, freedom provides opportunities to learn life lessons by understanding the right and wrong and to be creative by expressing their ideas or emotions very openly. One clear example, according to a research conducted by a well-known institute in India, children who are given freedom are the extraordinary performer in every aspect of life, such as study, sports, and social skills. On the other hand, too much freedom may have many negative consequences. Firstly, excessive liberty means a lack of supervision by parents and teachers. This will keep them vulnerable to influence by wrongdoing, for instance, smoking or drinking alcohol, especially during the adolescence. Having such bad habits will have harmful effects not only on health and education but also in future life and career. Secondly, too much freedom will also have a dangerous impact on their behaviour. Despite giving lots of liberty, children take it for granted, and as a result, becomes aggressive, and disrespecting elderly and other people as well. All in all, it is undeniable that children are entitled more freedom in comparison to the past. However, it is vital to supervise them closely to avoid any deteriorating effects and shape them into responsible citizens.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that, in modern times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are rewarded
with excessive liberty, which may be devastating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects. While I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is imperative for the all-round development of young ones,
however
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
is
essentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
, liberty at a certain extent boosts self-confidence and foster independence in the young generation. They feel trust and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, which increase their moral to do things
confidently
and build the personality to become more self-dependent.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
provides opportunities to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons by understanding the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and to be creative by expressing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
or emotions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
openly
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by a well-known institute in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
are the extraordinary performer in every aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as study, sports, and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Firstly
, excessive liberty means a lack of supervision by parents and teachers. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them vulnerable to influence by wrongdoing,
for instance
, smoking or drinking alcohol,
especially
during the adolescence. Having such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits will have harmful effects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on health and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and career.
Secondly
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
will
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
impact on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Despite giving lots of liberty,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take it for granted, and
as a result
, becomes aggressive, and disrespecting elderly and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
.

All in all, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are entitled
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
in comparison
to the past.
However
, it is vital to supervise them
closely
to avoid any deteriorating effects and shape them into responsible citizens.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children have too much freedom. Some people think it may be dangerous in some aspects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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