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Nowadays children are consuming too many sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons and the solutions for this situation? v.1

Nowadays children are consuming too many sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons and the solutions for this situation? v. 1
An addiction of drink is need of hour for some children. A plethora of teenagers are using a plenty of sugar-based drinks in the contemporary era. This essay will discuss why is happening and put forward several solutions for this issue. In modern times, children are tacking a huge amount of drink, which based on sugar, because some worthwhile reasons. First and foremost paramount reason is advertisement of drinks. A wast of companies are bombarding on social network or media, and children are attracting and learning from there. For example, Coca-Cola, which is famous industry for this type of drinks, is marketing their products on TV; therefore, children are encouraging and tacking Pepsi, when they are playing the outdoor games. Second reason that It is easily available in the market, so children are easily buying from shops at up-to-the-minute. In the way of solutions, government and law enforcement agencies should apply higher taxes on the sugar-based drinks. In this case, children do not have ample money for brought the drinking products; as a result, they are reducing to use of sugar-based products. Second way, government should not give permission to selling this product to the under age limit (<18 ages’ ) people. If seller gives sugar- based drink to the bellow eighteen aged person, both (seller and buyer) give some penalty to the government. Third way that parents and schools are requiring to explain toxic effects to the children. If school gives one lecture per week for motivate to the children, we can reduce this problem. In conclusion, children are consuming significantly sugar-based drinks. This essay explained why this nasty habit increasing and given some solutions for tackling this situation.
An addiction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
is need
of hour for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are using a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
in the contemporary era. This essay will discuss why is happening and put forward several solutions for this issue.

In modern times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are tacking a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
, which based on sugar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worthwhile reasons.
First
and foremost paramount reason is
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. A wast of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are bombarding on social network or media, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are attracting and learning from there.
For example
, Coca-Cola, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
industry for this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
, is marketing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on TV;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encouraging and tacking Pepsi, when they are playing the outdoor games. Second reason that It is
easily
available in the market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
buying from shops at up-to-the-minute.

In the way of solutions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and law enforcement agencies should apply higher taxes on the sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have ample money for brought the drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
as a result
, they are reducing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Second way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
permission to selling this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the under age limit (<18 ages’
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If seller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
sugar- based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
to the bellow eighteen aged
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
, both (seller and buyer)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
penalty to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Third way that parents and schools are requiring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
toxic effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
one lecture per week for motivate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this problem.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are consuming
significantly
sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why this nasty habit increasing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for tackling this situation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Nowadays children are consuming too many sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons and the solutions for this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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