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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v.23

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 23
Mass media enabled inviting fame to those who have a commanding presence and dominant influence, best of whom are celebrities. People follow their leads as their graceful lives set bars for glory, far less than their own achievements. As this needs imperative attention, I think it shall take a while for this concern to be addressed. Marked by their elusive beauties, celebrities hail in all forms of media; thus, people only see their outer sophistication. Nonetheless, their achievements are commonly left unnoticed. This is mainly due to idolatry where beauty is considered an investment. Hence, in today's era, a person need someone to look up to and is perfect enough to stand out among the rest. This notion is even exacerbated by the media, to which they preserve one's outer elements as priorities.   For instance, adverts hire celebrities whose commanding influence hypnotises others to follow. This is quite hard to control since creativity is companies' best shot. Notwithstanding the attention that artists' glamour and richness are getting, this creates a notion to people's mind to achieve something rather than to stay mediocre and plebeian. However, the point of losing one’s sight towards achievements is getting into trouble. This create a bad impact to our society since people no longer feel the hunger to do the best in their own fields instead, they want to become gorgeous, rather than a winner, because it is perceived as a trend way more than the other. By and large, I think it has both positive and negative remarks. Albeit the fact that one is given more importance than the other, still, people consider a point of reference for standards. The drawbacks may outweigh the good points, I believe that general trends be acknowledged on their own.
Mass media enabled inviting fame to those who have a commanding presence and dominant influence, best of whom are celebrities.
People
follow their leads as their graceful
lives
set bars for glory, far less than their
own
achievements. As this needs imperative attention, I
think
it shall take a while for this concern to
be addressed
.

Marked by their elusive beauties, celebrities hail in all forms of media;
thus
,
people
only
see
their outer sophistication. Nonetheless, their achievements are
commonly
left
unnoticed. This is
mainly
due to idolatry where beauty
is considered
an investment.
Hence
, in
today
's era, a person need someone to look up to and is perfect
enough
to stand out among the rest. This notion is even exacerbated by the media, to which they preserve one's outer elements as priorities.
 
For instance
, adverts hire celebrities whose commanding influence
hypnotises
others to follow. This is quite
hard
to control since creativity is
companies
' best shot.

Notwithstanding the attention that artists' glamour and richness are getting, this creates a notion to
people
's mind to achieve something
rather
than to stay mediocre and plebeian.
However
, the point of losing one’s sight towards achievements is getting into trouble.
This create
a
bad
impact to our society since
people
no longer feel the hunger to do the best in their
own
fields
instead
, they want to become gorgeous,
rather
than a winner,
because
it
is perceived
as a trend way more than the other.

By and large, I
think
it has both
positive
and
negative
remarks. Albeit the fact that one is
given
more importance than the other,
still
,
people
consider a point of reference for standards. The drawbacks may outweigh the
good
points, I believe that general trends
be acknowledged
on their
own
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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