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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v.18

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 18
Many people have argued about the function of university study. A group of people believe that studying in the university help graduate students in obtaining prestigious jobs, while others think that university study offers much wider positive experiences beside getting better jobs. The following paragraphs will explain in details about both opinions, but I do believe that undergraduate or post graduate studies have many advantages. On the one hand, it is a fact that one of the aims of university study is to assist the graduates in obtaining better jobs. Institutions are hoping that the curriculum, program and tutorial sessions that are prepared and set by them would be useful for their graduate students in the workplace. Besides that, certain kinds of highly paid jobs require the candidate to be highly educated or have a university degree. For example, to become an external auditor in one of the big four international accounting firms such as Price Water House Coopers, the candidate should have a bachelor degree in accounting and obtained certified public accountant certificate. Since it is a mandatory requirement, many of the young people have enrolled in the university in order to get that elite and prestigious job. Therefore a lot of people believe that the main purpose of studying in university level is to get better jobs. On the other hand, another group of people believe that university study offers other kinds of positive experiences for students themselves and communities as well. Firstly, by studying in the university, students would have more friends, since many universities are accepting students from various local areas and some even from overseas. Therefore, students would have the chance in expanding their networks and learning new languages and cultures as well. Secondly, studying in the university also bring benefits for the community and society. University offers various kinds of positive activities for their students which are also useful for the neighbourhood. For example, many medicine schools offer free medication consultation for the poor people who live in the surrounding area which is conducted by their students. In conclusion, some people believe that university study brings much wider benefits for the students besides getting better-paid jobs, but others disagree with it. In my point of view, I do agree that the aim of studying in the university should not be only for getting jobs, but also for networking and socialising as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued about the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in obtaining prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
much wider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experiences beside getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The following paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about both opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that undergraduate or post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.

On the one hand, it is a fact that one of the aims of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in obtaining better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Institutions are hoping that the curriculum, program and tutorial sessions that
are prepared
and set by them would be useful for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the workplace.
Besides
that, certain kinds of
highly
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require the candidate to be
highly
educated or have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree.
For example
, to become an external auditor in one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
four international accounting firms such as Price Water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
Coopers, the candidate should have a bachelor degree in accounting and obtained certified public accountant certificate. Since it is a mandatory requirement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have enrolled in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that elite and prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the main purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
level is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better jobs.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experiences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
themselves and communities
as well
.
Firstly
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would have more friends, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from various local areas and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even from overseas.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would have the chance in expanding their networks and learning new languages and cultures
as well
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
also
bring benefits for the community and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
various kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
activities for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which are
also
useful for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medicine schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
free medication consultation for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the surrounding area which
is conducted
by their students.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
brings much wider benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
besides
getting better-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others disagree with it. In my point of view, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for networking and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
as well
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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