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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v.19

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 19
Today, education has become the vital part of our life. People are opting for higher and higher qualifications these days so that they can get better jobs in future. Along with better job prospectives, there are also other benefits of acquiring university education. In this essay, I will discuss some of them. Knowledge & learning help individual shape his future and makes him the respected person in the society. Gaining university degree not only provides the individual with the opportunity to earn more, but also increases his/her value in the society. The person becomes both socially and economically an ideal citizen which today the society demands. S/he gains self-confidence, a better personality which is acceptable in the society. Education in formal institutes like colleges and universities offers a student to expand his/her horizon of knowledge and experience. S/he can learn about diverse cultures, manner and other important aspects of life. Furthermore, enrollment in the university programs increases the person's understanding and knowledge; thereby, making him/her more efficient in his work and building a good career. For example, a university graduate has better ideas to run a company effectively and this quality can impress his employer and lead to his promotion in future. Higher education also leads to a healthy lifestyle. Educated people are more conscious about their health than the uneducated one. Last but not the least, obtaining a university degree raises the individual's status a step higher. To conclude, my opinion undoubtedly is in the favour of acquiring higher studies to build up a good career as well as to shape the individual's personality which is also beneficial for the betterment of the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, education has become the vital part of our life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are opting for higher and higher qualifications these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
job
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
, there are
also
other benefits of acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education. In this essay, I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them.

Knowledge & learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individual shape his future and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him the respected person in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides the individual with the opportunity to earn more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increases his/her value in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The person becomes both
socially
and
economically
an ideal citizen which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
demands. S/he gains self-confidence, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
personality which is acceptable in the society.

Education in formal institutes like colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offers a student to expand his/her horizon of knowledge and experience. S/he can learn about diverse cultures, manner and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of life.

Furthermore
, enrollment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
programs increases the person's understanding and knowledge; thereby, making him/her more efficient in his work and building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduate has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to run a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
effectively
and this quality can impress his employer and lead to his promotion
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Higher education
also
leads to a healthy lifestyle. Educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more conscious about their health than the uneducated one. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, obtaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree raises the individual's status a step higher.

To conclude
, my opinion
undoubtedly
is in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of acquiring higher studies to build up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career
as well
as to shape the individual's personality which is
also
beneficial for the betterment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 19

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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