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Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v.17

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 17
Higher education plays a pivotal role towards an individual's professional life. Many people are of the opinion that the role of university education is to merely facilitate a graduate's job hunting endeavours. Others believe that besides this, the beneficial ramifications a university can provide for its students are many. Firstly, it is obvious that the primal objective of any university is to award a successful candidate with a professional degree. Although a degree may not guarantee a job, it is, nevertheless necessary to have one, as employers would not want to hire an individual without the right kind of qualifications. Hence, if a university is able to increase job prospects of its graduates, people are naturally inclined to believe that this is the only task a university is supposed to fulfil. On the other hand, many believe that a degree is just one of the many advantages a university can offer. Such as professional character development; the importance of which moves in tandem with that of a mere degree. Of course, both are important, but without the former, a graduate may not be able to earn a place for himself in a professional setting. The main reason the supports this claim is that employers seek not only the right qualifications of a potential employee but also how well he or she can adapt to the work environment of that particular firm. Having analysed both views, it seems that besides helping the graduates to find better jobs, a university can do much more than that, such as instilling professional attitudes in the graduates that can facilitate not only their job prospects but also make them contribute towards the welfare of the overall society. It is expected that the developing universities give the aforementioned advantages equal weight to that of a merely helping to improve job prospects for graduates.
Higher education plays a pivotal role towards an individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is to
merely
facilitate a graduate's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunting
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
. Others believe that
besides
this, the beneficial ramifications a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can provide for its students are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

Firstly
, it is obvious that the primal objective of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to award a successful candidate with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. Although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
may not guarantee a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is,
nevertheless
necessary to have one, as employers would not want to hire an individual without the right kind of qualifications.
Hence
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is able to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
naturally
inclined to believe that this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
task a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is supposed
to fulfil.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can offer. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
character development; the importance of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
in tandem with that of a mere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Of course
, both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without the former, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
may not be able to earn a place for himself in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
setting. The main reason the supports this claim is that employers seek not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the right qualifications of a potential employee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how well he or she can adapt to the work environment of that particular firm.

Having
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
both views, it seems that
besides
helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
to find better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can do much more than that, such as instilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
attitudes in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
that can facilitate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them contribute towards the welfare of the
overall
society. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
give the aforementioned advantages equal weight to that of a
merely
helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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