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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.17

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 17
It is true that celebrities, these days are looked upon for their money and fashion rather than their achievements, which are impressionable to youngsters. In my opinion, I completely agree with this above statement, and this essay will discuss and support my stand. To beginn with, firstly, famous people are easily eye catching to the young minds mainly because of their lifestyle and capital. As they possess the most expensive cars, clothes, property and jewellery, so this thing attracts teens more easily. For example XX, he is one of the best and the richest actors in the US film industries who have a very luxurious lifestyle, and it has a great impact on teenagers to follow his footsteps in terms of fashion and style. However, young people ignore the fact that how hard he struggled to achieve so much. Secondly, their glamourous living encourages youngsters to buy things unnecessarily in order to look like them. Another important factor that sets a wrong example for teens from celebrities is that they always represent the perfect body type in cinema or any public appearance although it not imperative to do so. But this mindset of the perfect figure is creating pressure among teenagers to have an excellent body shape as a result many are dieting neglecting their health. For instance, super models these days are so slim that every girl's dream is to become slim just like models, but this trend has proved detrimental for many young girl's mindset. In conclusion, celebs high standard of living affects young people easily where they ignore their whole hard working journey and achievements. In my view, I strongly believe that these famous people set a wrong impression on teens in terms of money and fashion.
It is true that celebrities, these days
are looked
upon for their money and fashion
rather
than their achievements, which are impressionable to youngsters. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this above statement, and this essay will discuss and support my stand.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
beginn
with,
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
eye catching to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their lifestyle and capital. As they possess the most expensive cars, clothes, property and
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this thing attracts teens more
easily
.
For example
XX, he is one of the best and the richest actors in the US film industries who have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
luxurious lifestyle, and it has a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to follow his footsteps in terms of fashion and style.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
he struggled to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.
Secondly
, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
living encourages youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things
unnecessarily
in order to look like them.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that sets a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
example for teens from celebrities is that they always represent the perfect body type in cinema or any public appearance although
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
not imperative to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this mindset of the perfect figure is creating pressure among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to have an excellent body shape
as a result
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are dieting neglecting their health.
For instance
, super models these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
slim that every girl's dream is to become slim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like models,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this trend has proved detrimental for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
girl's mindset.

In conclusion
, celebs high standard of living affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their whole
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
journey and achievements. In my view, I
strongly
believe that these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
set a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
impression on teens in terms of money and fashion.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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