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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

In the modern world, things that are charismatic takes the attention of many people, and this is the reason celebrities are gaining popularity. Hence, I believe, that this charm and treasury instead of their attainment and success is badly influencing young generation. People are inspired by the lifestyle of many celebrities. Whatever they post on their social sites related to anything like their travel videos, eating in expensive restaurant, wearing branded cloths inspire them, they like it and try to copy it. As more and more people copy them, it ultimately becomes a trend which helps those celebrities in gaining popularity. On the other hand, if any celebrity receives an award for his achievement he will not be praised in the same. For example, a celebrity sharing his modern and wealthy lifestyle on social media will have more followers and liking than one, who have genuinely made good content and is more successful. Young people are the one being greatly influenced by it. In the age, when they must know the importance of money and understand how people struggle to get success, they are busy in showing off, that they have a better lifestyle than others and can afford expensive cars and cloths. These things do not come automatically in their mind, it is nothing but the influence of their famous personalities and the thought of looking like them. This can develop a sense of insecurity and jealousy among the young generation. In conclusion, Celebrities should not only promote their wealth and living style through any platform. They must share their struggle and suffering behind their success so that, everyone especially young generation will realize that it is their achievement and success because of which they have become popular.
In the modern world, things that are charismatic takes the attention of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and this is the reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are gaining popularity.
Hence
, I believe, that this charm and treasury
instead
of their attainment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
badly
influencing young generation.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are inspired
by the lifestyle of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. Whatever they post on their social sites related to anything like their travel videos, eating in expensive restaurant, wearing branded cloths inspire them, they like it and try to copy it. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
copy them, it
ultimately
becomes a trend which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
in gaining popularity.
On the other hand
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
receives an award for his achievement he will not
be praised
in the same.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
sharing his modern and wealthy lifestyle on social media will have more followers and liking than one, who have
genuinely
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
content and is more successful.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the one being
greatly
influenced by it. In the age, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know the importance of money and understand how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, they are busy in showing off, that they have a better lifestyle than others and can afford expensive cars and cloths. These things do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
automatically
in their mind, it is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the influence of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of looking like them. This can develop a sense of insecurity and jealousy among the young generation.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promote their wealth and living style through any platform. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
share their struggle and suffering behind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, everyone
especially
young generation will realize that it is their achievement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they have become popular.
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Q. Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievement, and this sets a bad example to young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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