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Some parents allow their teenage children to live independently, away from home. Other parents don’t want their teenage children to live away from them. Which do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v.1

Some parents allow their teenage children to live independently, away from home. Other parents don’t want their teenage children to live away from them. Which do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 1
Parents around the world have different styles of raising their children, some may be strict and others may be lenient. A number of teenagers are allowed to live by themselves, far away from home, whilst others are under close supervision of their parents. In my opinion, I think kids should not be permitted to live independently and I will give reasons to support my position in this essay. Firstly, teenagers can be carefree, irresponsible and with little or no experience about life, they make wrong decisions. Allowing an adolescent to be completely self-reliant is a disaster waiting to happen. For instance, teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise due to children who lack parental guidance. However, some exceptions may be allowed when teenagers live independently in boarding schools under the supervision of teachers and mentors. Secondly, studies have shown that teenagers who lived with their parents until their early twenties turn out to make better life choices than those who lived alone from the age of thirteen upwards. For example, adolescents who stay with their parents do not concern themselves with accommodation or their next meal which poses as a distraction to their academic lives. Whereas, those who live alone are plagued by these concerns. This shows that parental guidance is important in shaping the life of a young adult. In conclusion, teenagers should be allowed to remain under close supervision of their parents in order to help them become responsible adults in the future. Even though some parents tolerate their wards to be self-reliant with the purpose of making them mature quickly, it does come with a lot or risks. Parents should be fully present in parenting their children until they are old enough to live responsibly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
around the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
styles of raising their children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may be strict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
may be lenient. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by themselves, far away from home, whilst others are under close supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
kids should not
be permitted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
and I will give reasons to support my position in this essay.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can be carefree, irresponsible and with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no experience about life, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions. Allowing an adolescent to be completely self-reliant is a disaster waiting to happen.
For instance
, teenage pregnancy and
sexually
transmitted diseases are on the rise due to children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lack parental guidance.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
in boarding schools under the supervision of teachers and mentors.

Secondly
, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until their early twenties turn out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better life choices than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
alone from the age of thirteen upwards.
For example
, adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not concern themselves with accommodation or their
next
meal which poses as a distraction to their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone
are plagued
by these concerns. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that parental guidance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in shaping the life of a young adult.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to remain under close supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become responsible adults in the future.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tolerate their wards to be self-reliant with the purpose of making them mature
quickly
, it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a lot or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should be
fully
present in parenting their children until they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
responsibly
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents allow their teenage children to live independently, away from home. Other parents don’t want their teenage children to live away from them. Which do you think is better and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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