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Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician Do you agree or disagree v.2

Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician v. 2
Study plays a pivotal role in the overall development of the every person. Therefore, a group of people considering that academic study is more inevitable in the life of students, because, other contradicts this by saying that students should learn vocational skills as well. So, this essay shall analyse both the view points along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraph. According to the first school of thoughts, there are many views which explain that learning the vocational skills us useful for the people. The first point is that, these types of practical skills are beneficial to develop the basic skills. Not only this, when the students are learning these skills so they do not face difficulties in any type of job domain. Secondly, these days inflation is expanded so this skills are helpful for the students to earn some money to fulfill their basic needs and demands. According to the second school of thoughts, people should not urge to the students to learn vocational skills. The prime one is that, practical skills because it creates the disturbance among the students which affects the overall result of the students. Further, the work of the plumber and electronics is gives the employment in the society but it reduces the status level among the people. In my opinion, it is better for the people to learn some vocational skills because these skills broaden their horizon but the students should learn these silks in the free time. furthermore, academic studies is more vital as it enhances the confidence level of the students and gives the identity among the society and it would be better for their upcoming future. Furthermore, there are some domains in the countries where qualification is more paramount than other vocational skills. To conclude, after a lots of thoughts and deliberation it is true to say that learning the academics is more pivotal as it enrich the self confident of the students but the vocational skills is also better to become a all-rounder in every types of domain.
Study plays a pivotal role in the
overall
development of the every person.
Therefore
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considering that academic study is more inevitable in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, other contradicts this by saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this essay shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the view points along with my opinion in the upcoming paragraph.

According to the
first
school of thoughts, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
views which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that learning the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
us useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
first
point is that, these types of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are beneficial to develop the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not face difficulties in any type of job domain.
Secondly
, these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
inflation
is expanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are helpful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to fulfill their basic needs and demands.

According to the second school of thoughts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not urge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. The prime one is that, practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates the disturbance among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which affects the
overall
result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Further
, the work of the plumber and electronics is gives the employment in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the status level among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In my opinion, it is better for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
broaden their horizon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these silks in the free time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, academic studies is more vital as it enhances the confidence level of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and gives the identity among the society and it would be better for their upcoming future.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
domains in the countries where qualification is more paramount than other vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, after
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of thoughts and deliberation it is true to say that learning the academics is more pivotal as it
Did you mean "enriches"?
enrich
the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confident
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
also
better to become
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
all-rounder in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "type"?
types
of domain.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study we should encourage them to learn a vocational skills like plumber electrician v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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