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Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study, we should encourage them to learn a vocational skill like plumber, electrician. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study, we should encourage them to learn a vocational skill like plumber, electrician. v. 1
Selecting subjects in territory education have been a paramount consideration for students. It has become common trend these days that students in high school have been pursuing their academic study and it is suggested to motivate them to take training on vocational skills, however, I firmly believe that university education has an edge over vocational education and I intend to discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, this notion is favoured by a segment of society, believes that learning such motor skills makes one independent. It is generally seen that vocational training aids the individual to start earning immediately after his high school. Not only it provides practical experience to the person from the early start of his career, but also help the individual to start a family. For example, if any youngster starts his career by learning vocational skills, he would get more practical experience than those who have been doing their academic studies, thereby making one more skilled in his or her profession. On the other hand, I believe that academic education plays a sterling role for career point of view as such qualifications are immensely required in various professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having a proper degree. Hence, high qualifications are required to do highly skilled jobs. Moreover, graduating from university will give more job options when it comes to choosing a job as a university degree holders would always get priority over the one who just has a high school degree. This is because they are considered more intelligent and educated as well as disciplined that is required to complete their 3- or 4-year degree. Therefore, pursuing education from college is immeasurably beneficial in order to get jobs. To conclude, although having training on vocational subjects are conducive, encouraging students to continue their academic studies are quite fruitful in terms of providing secure and highly skilled job options which require less physical work.
Selecting subjects in territory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have been a paramount consideration for students. It has become common trend these days that students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school have been pursuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study and it
is suggested
to motivate them to take training on vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
however
, I
firmly
believe that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has an edge over vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and I intend to discuss my views in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, this notion is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
by a segment of society, believes that learning such motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one independent. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that vocational training aids the individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
earning immediately after his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it provides practical experience to the person from the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
of his career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
a family.
For example
, if any youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
starts
his career by learning vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more practical experience than those who have been doing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies, thereby making one more skilled in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
profession.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a sterling role for career point of view as such qualifications are
immensely
required in various professions.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
qualifications
are required
to do
highly
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, graduating from university will give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
options when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
holders would always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
priority over the one who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are considered
more intelligent and educated
as well
as disciplined that
is required
to complete their 3- or 4-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Therefore
, pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from college is
immeasurably
beneficial in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs.

To conclude
, although having training on vocational subjects are conducive, encouraging students to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
studies are quite fruitful in terms of providing secure and
highly
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
options which require less physical work.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study, we should encourage them to learn a vocational skill like plumber, electrician. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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