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Some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now, while other thinks that their earnings should be saved for future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now, while other thinks that their earnings should be saved for future. v. 1
Financial management is a term that is becoming increasingly popular. Hence, some individuals believe income made should be spent immediately, others are of the opinion that money earned should be kept for forthcoming purposes. In my opinion, I believe an individual's salary should not be squandered, but kept for rainy days. On the one hand, it is commonly considered that an individual's income should be used lavishly because more often than not the future is unknown. To put simply, some people prefer to live in the moment and enjoy life as it comes because they believe the future is unknown and can be terminal. Proponents argue that it is better to enjoy your wage now, rather than save it and take it to the grave rendering it useless to its' owner. For example, Da Grin, a Nigerian musician, made a lot of money in 2008, he however died the following year, rendering his hardworking and earnings useless to him. Consequently, this has convinced some people that living in the moment is best and if Da Grin had spent his money before he died, he would have enjoyed it. Evidently, it is somewhat true that enjoying one's salary as it comes can be wise. On the other hand, I believe that saving for a later date is more advantageous as it makes one more independent. To elaborate, at least once in a person's life, there would undoubtedly be unseen circumstances. So having spare funds available can help mitigate these life problems without having to rely on other people. For instance, Gbenga, my friend, developed appendicitis in 2018 and required surgery, he was able to withdraw funds from his savings account to fund the operation. If he did not save his money, he would have had to depend on family and friends to foot the bill. In all, it is obvious that keeping earnings for a later date can make an individual independent. To conclude, although it is evident why it is argued that enjoying one's salary immediately is wise because of fear of the unknown, I believe keeping it for a later date is more beneficial. Unless money is saved, people would continue to lean on others.
Financial management is a term
that is
becoming
increasingly
popular.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
income made should
be spent
immediately, others are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for forthcoming purposes. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
an individual's salary should not
be squandered
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for rainy days.

On the one hand, it is
commonly
considered that an individual's income should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
lavishly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not the future is unknown. To put
simply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Did you mean "at the moment" (=currently)?
in the moment
and enjoy life as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the future is unknown and can be terminal. Proponents argue that it is better to enjoy your wage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
rather
than save it and take it to the grave rendering it useless to
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its'
owner.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Grin, a Nigerian musician, made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in 2008, he
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
the following year, rendering his hardworking and earnings useless to him.
Consequently
, this has convinced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that living
Did you mean "at the moment" (=currently)?
in the moment
is best and if
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Grin had spent his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
, he would have enjoyed it.
Evidently
, it is somewhat true that enjoying one's salary as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
can be wise.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that saving for a later date is more advantageous as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one more independent. To elaborate, at least once in a person's life, there would
undoubtedly
be unseen circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
having spare funds available can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mitigate these life problems without having to rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gbenga
, my friend, developed appendicitis in 2018 and required surgery, he was able to withdraw funds from his savings account to fund the operation. If he did not save his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, he would have had to depend on family and friends to foot the bill. In all, it is obvious that keeping earnings for a later date can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an individual independent.

To conclude
, although it is evident why it
is argued
that enjoying one's salary immediately is wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fear of the unknown, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
keeping it for a later date is more beneficial. Unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is saved
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would continue to lean on others.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think the money they earn should be enjoyed by spending it now, while other thinks that their earnings should be saved for future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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