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Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships? Has this become a positive or negative development? v.24

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 24
Interactions between people today have greatly varied due to the technological advances that are continually happening. These changes, especially in personal relationships, such as the long distance and faster communication, are greatly benefiting the individuals positively. A good reason why technological changes in communication have been beneficial to the relationship of individuals is that it allowed people working abroad to communicate with their loved ones. Many gadgets and mobile applications nowadays made this development possible. For instance, the use of Skype in cell phones or laptops, gave opportunity for overseas workers to make video calls and chat with their family members. This has helped them combat homesickness and thus, assisted them to work productively and support the needs of their families while connecting with them with them internationally. Another point to consider concerning the effects of technology on personal interactions is that it made communications quick and easy. Before the technological advances happened, snail mail and in-person conversation were the most popular form of sending a message, it took time and effort for people to wait for responses. However, due to the modern technology, many can now talk or respond to messages immediately, through phone calls or emails. For instance, friends can now call each other to invite one another for parties or just a regular get together. As a result, this has made communication more convenient, making relationships among people more comfortable. To conclude, the changes in personal relationships due to technological advances are benefiting individuals in a positive way, especially with maintaining relationships and by relating to others comfortably.
Interactions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
greatly
varied due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advances that are
continually
happening. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
especially
in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
, such as the long distance and faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, are
greatly
benefiting the individuals
positively
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
have been beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of individuals is that it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working abroad to communicate with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
gadgets and mobile applications nowadays made this development possible.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of Skype in cell phones or laptops, gave opportunity for overseas workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls and chat with their family members. This has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them combat homesickness and
thus
, assisted them to work
productively
and support the needs of their families while connecting
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "with them".
with them with them
internationally
.

Another point to consider concerning the effects of technology on personal interactions is that it made communications quick and easy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advances happened, snail mail and in-person conversation were the most popular form of sending a message, it took time and effort for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to wait for responses.
However
, due to the modern technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
talk or respond to messages immediately, through phone calls or emails.
For instance
, friends can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
call each other to invite one another for parties or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together.
As a result
, this has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
more convenient, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more comfortable.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
advances are benefiting individuals in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way,
especially
with maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and by relating to others
comfortably
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected personal relationships? Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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