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Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v.3

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 3
It is true that many people tackle with different types of environmental problems because of increasing human populations, global warming and lack of resources. But, there are some arguments among people. Some of them say that loss of plants and animal species gives us more negative effects, the others believe that people should be more interested in other pivotal environmental issues. Personally, ı believe that both of them have significant impact on people's lives. To begin with, day by day, planet Earth lost its nature for last fifty years and plants and animals are affected negatively by this change. They have lost their home because climate change and fires play a critical role in their habitats. In my opinion, people should take some measures immediately because if not, they might lose their oxygen and face with many difficult issues such as carbon emission, gas fumes. If they did not put this issue of interest first, they would not find any places to live in the World. On the other hand, some people give more attention to the other environmental problems such as lack of resources or rising population in cities. Naturally, they have a right to think that because cities do not have enough facilities such as healthcare systems, education facilities and infrastructures. These types of problems are more significant for human because, imagine when you were sick, if the hospitals were not suitable for a cure, they would not know what they should do. So, these types of problems are solved alertly. To sum up, there are different kind of views about whether or not the main problem of human is to lose plant and animal species. In my perspective, governments and societies give equal attention to all environmental problems.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tackle with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing human populations, global warming and lack of resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that loss of plants and animal species gives us more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, the others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues.
Personally
, ı believe that both of them have significant impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, day by day, planet Earth lost its nature for last fifty years and plants and animals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. They have lost their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and fires play a critical role in their habitats. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if not, they might lose their oxygen and face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficult issues such as carbon emission, gas fumes. If they did not put this issue of interest
first
, they would not find any places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the World.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as lack of resources or rising population in cities.
Naturally
, they have a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cities do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities such as healthcare systems, education facilities and infrastructures. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are more significant for human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, imagine when you were sick, if the hospitals were not suitable for a cure, they would not know what they should do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are solved
alertly
.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "kinds"?
kind
of views about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of human is to lose plant and animal species. In my perspective,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and societies give equal attention to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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