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Nia 103Part 11. How popular are bicycles in your home town? Why2. How often do you ride a bicycle? Why/ why not3. Do you think that bicycles are suitable for all ages? Why / why not4. What are the advantages of bicycle compared to a car? Why v.1

Nia 103Part 11. How popular are bicycles in your home town? Why2. How often do you ride a bicycle? Why/ why not3. Do you think that bicycles are suitable for all ages? Why / why not4. What are the advantages of bicycle compared to a car? Why v. 1
The augmentation of university tuition fees and the scarcity of employment aspects for graduates have caused some people to suggest not teaching art courses, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that increase the chances of employment. It's undeniable that doctors, accountants, engineers. . . Etc. , play an important role in any society, therefore the need for them arise. These fields ensure society's survival and development, which is why many believe that engaging the students in practical field studies sustains a better future for them. They think that shifting the students' focus to just these subjects would guarantee success. This has lead to the suggestion of not teaching art courses in universities. However, would that be a wise thing to do? I strongly disagree with such a suggestion, because while practical sciences constitute a part of the society, it is the arts that constitute the other half. Imagine a world where art seize to exist; so dull and lifeless. If such a thing happens the society would malfunction, as arts encourage creativity and provokes development. Take philosophy, for instance, it sharpens one's mind, make him open to different opinions and thoughts, and enhances the ability to think clearly and logically. Another reason why we need such fields rises lies in the importance of its existence. For example, if we had no historian majors who would record and teach history. For this reason, the world needs to acknowledge that these fields are not a luxury but rather a necessity. In conclusion, practical degrees are important and the demand for them is quite high. Nevertheless, that doesn't make the other degrees any less important; they equally contribute to the society's well fare.
The augmentation of university tuition fees and the scarcity of employment aspects for graduates have caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to suggest not teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses, like philosophy and history, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
degree courses that increase the chances of employment.

It's undeniable that doctors, accountants, engineers.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in any society,
therefore
the need for them arise. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
ensure society's survival and development, which is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that engaging the students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
studies sustains a better future for them. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that shifting the students' focus to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
these subjects would guarantee success. This has lead to the suggestion of not teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses in universities.
However
, would that be a wise thing to do?

I
strongly
disagree with such a suggestion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
sciences constitute a part of the society, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that constitute the other half. Imagine a world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
seize to exist;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dull and lifeless. If such a thing happens the society would malfunction, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
encourage creativity and provokes development. Take philosophy,
for instance
, it sharpens one's mind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him open to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions and thoughts, and enhances the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
clearly
and
logically
. Another reason why we need such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
rises lies in the importance of its existence.
For example
, if we had no historian majors who would record and teach history.
For this reason
, the world needs to acknowledge that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are not a luxury
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
a necessity.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
degrees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and the demand for them is quite high.
Nevertheless
, that doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the other degrees any less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
; they
equally
contribute to the society's well fare.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nia 103Part 11. How popular are bicycles in your home town? Why2. How often do you ride a bicycle? Why/ why not3. Do you think that bicycles are suitable for all ages? Why / why not4. What are the advantages of bicycle compared to a car? Why v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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