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Newspapers have an enormous influence on people’s opinions and ideas. Do you think it is a positive or negative situation? v.4

Newspapers have an enormous influence on people’s opinions and ideas. Do you think it is a positive or negative situation? v. 4
Newspapers are one the oldest source of information regarding current events before the invention of the radio, television and the internet. It has a huge influence in people's opinions and ideas. But without the ability of the people to cross-reference what is written in the news, we tend to believe that all are facts. Newspapers have a positive and negative effect on its readers. If we will study history, we will find out that newspapers were once used for propagandas during World War II. As a result, many people were brainwashed and believed what they were reading in the news were accurate. Some of the newspapers also come with inappropriate articles and images that might harm the children that will read it without their parents’ consent. While there are negatives effects, I believe that there are more effects on the positive side as there are lots of credible newspapers that are circulating worldwide. Aside from the regular local and world current events, readers can check the newspaper the weather for the day. A businessman can also see current stock market rates while sports enthusiast can check the results of their favourite games be it basketball, baseball, football, etc. Job searchers can also look on job openings and employers can easily advertise their job vacancies. And lastly, people will be up to date and entertained at the same time with the addition of entertainment sections. With the emergence of the internet and the age of social media is becoming more popular, the popularity of the newspapers has been affected by it. But nothing can beat the newspaper as one of the leading source of information and entertainment, especially, for the people who do not have access to computers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Newspapers
are
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the oldest source of information regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of the radio, television and the internet. It has a huge influence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
without the ability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cross-reference what
is written
in the news, we tend to believe that all are facts.

Newspapers have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on its readers. If we
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will study
history, we will find out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
were once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
propagandas
during World War II.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were brainwashed
and believed what they were reading in the news were accurate.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with inappropriate articles and images that might harm the children that will read it without their parents’ consent.

While there are negatives effects, I believe that there are more effects on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side as there are lots of credible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
that are circulating worldwide. Aside from the regular local and world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, readers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
the weather for the day. A businessman can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
stock market rates while sports enthusiast can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the results of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
games be it basketball, baseball, football, etc. Job searchers can
also
look on job openings and employers can
easily
advertise their job vacancies. And
lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be up to date and entertained at the same time with the addition of entertainment sections.

With the emergence of the internet and the age of social media is becoming more popular, the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nothing can beat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
as one of the leading source of information and entertainment,
especially
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have access to computers.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Newspapers have an enormous influence on people’s opinions and ideas. Do you think it is a positive or negative situation? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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