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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v.6

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v. 6
With increasing crime in the world, technology has tried to develop tools to reduce crime. In many metropolitan areas, CCTV is on the increase with the express purpose of reducing crime. However, some would argue that these encroach upon our liberty. I do agree the use of such tools create some problems, but in a broader vision, these devices bring more comfort. To start with, the primary problem which takes place by the use of surveillance cameras is of privacy. The overwhelming majority of people filmed through these cameras are law-abiding citizens and no one has the right to monitor them. Secondly, to install such devices a handsome amount of fund is required, that could be used in some other field like education or health care. However, there are various benefits of using these gadgets that overweigh the problems associated with them. Firstly, they deter crime because criminals are less likely to commit crimes if they know they are being watched. In addition to this, the record could be used as a piece of evidence for proving a crime and recognition of the culprits. For example, in many terrorist attacks, the attackers have been identified through the footage and then punished accordingly. Furthermore, in some cases, these devices proved to be useful when someone lost his belongings. In conclusion, these devices bring comfort in numerous ways and the problems merged with them could be tackled with careful planning of government authorities. However, they play a critical role in controlling the crime rate.
With increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the world, technology has tried to develop tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitan areas, CCTV is on the increase with the express purpose of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue that these encroach upon our liberty. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such tools create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a broader vision, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
bring more comfort.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which takes place by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of surveillance cameras is of privacy. The overwhelming majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
filmed through these cameras are law-abiding citizens and no one has the right to monitor them.
Secondly
, to install such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
a handsome amount of fund
is required
, that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other field like education or health care.

However
, there are various benefits of using these gadgets that
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with them.
Firstly
, they deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
criminals are less likely to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
if they know they are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
.
In addition
to this, the record could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a piece of evidence for proving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and recognition of the culprits.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
terrorist attacks, the attackers have
been identified
through the footage and then punished
accordingly
.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
proved to be useful when someone lost his belongings.

In conclusion
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
bring comfort in numerous ways and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
merged with them could
be tackled
with careful planning of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities.
However
, they play a critical role in controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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