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It is said that people's life now is becoming more and more stressful. What are the causes and how to solve it? v.1

It is said that people's life now is becoming more and more stressful. What are the causes and how to solve it? v. 1
Nowadays, political instability across the globe has increased the numbers of refugees. Some people believe that established authorities should reestablish these refugees, however another section of people feels that refugees from other social background would negatively impact their economy and social balance. In my opinion, it is the collective responsibility of all wealthy nations to support refugees with defined policy, as blanket support might negatively impact the existing public services infrastructure. This essay will elaborate more on this opinion. Firstly, all of us on this globe are part of the big human sphere, which creates the major responsibility of establishing the people, who are affected from the terrorism or some sort of instability in a region. It would be a big task for the established governments to come forward with the policies, so that they can be accommodated as part of existing economy and public infrastructure. As all the developed authorities have proven machinery and workforce, so it would not be a challenging task as compare to the emerging economies, where they have their own challenges to resolve. Furthermore, defined policies would also provide safety and peace of mind to the citizens of the country. Being on top of the chart, it is expected from wealthy nations to lend a helping hand. Adding further to this, it should be used as an opportunity to utilize the refugee's skills for the growth of the globe by providing them proper education and better environment to groom their families. Communities have a sense of humanity, which make them realize that every human on this earth has certain skills and come from different cultures. This combination would be helpful to solve some of the old issues, which might not be viewed from different perspective till that moment. For instance, a large number of refugees have accepted by the European countries and helping them to settle down in their lives. In conclusion, rising concerns of refugees across the world can be addressed by the enforcement of regular policies across the developed economies, which would help the affected people and would not have any negative impact on the existing people of the region. Hence, above explanation clearly proved that the support from the developed nations is important for the refugees' establishment.
Nowadays, political instability across the globe has increased the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that established authorities should reestablish these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
,
however
another section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feels that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
from other social background would
negatively
impact their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and social balance. In my opinion, it is the collective responsibility of all wealthy nations to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
with defined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policy
, as blanket support might
negatively
impact the existing public services infrastructure. This essay will elaborate more on this opinion.

Firstly
, all of us on this globe are part of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
human sphere, which creates the major responsibility of establishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
from the terrorism or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of instability in a region. It would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
task for the established
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
be accommodated
as part of existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
and public infrastructure. As all the developed authorities have proven machinery and workforce,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would not be a challenging task as compare to the emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
, where they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
challenges to resolve.
Furthermore
, defined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
would
also
provide safety and peace of mind to the citizens of the country. Being on top of the chart, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from wealthy nations to lend a helping hand.

Adding
further
to this, it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an opportunity to utilize the refugee's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the growth of the globe by providing them proper education and better environment to groom their families. Communities have a sense of humanity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them realize that every human on this earth has certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. This combination would be helpful to solve
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
issues, which might not
be viewed
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective till that moment.
For instance
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the European countries and helping them to settle down in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, rising concerns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refugees
across the world can
be addressed
by the enforcement of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
policies
across the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and would not have any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the region.
Hence
, above explanation
clearly
proved that the support from the developed nations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the refugees' establishment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that people's life now is becoming more and more stressful. What are the causes and how to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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