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Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. v. 2
Now a days, schools are the priority one' s to educate the children with different subjects. Some people believe that subjects such as computer and science should be taught in schools rather than music. This essay will argue why music is necessary instead of learning computer and science. To begin with, by teaching the subjects computer and science, students can gain ethical knowledge and awareness of environment. Meanwhile, it should be capable for the students to learn such standards of education. As the same way, the students should reach high position by learning them because it would be the first step to their success. For Instance, if the poor knowledge child could not be able to learn the subjects then the child will be in a unbalanced life. These few things leads to the unconditioned and as well as, unemphatic situation to a student. On the other hand, music is a subject and also a passion for some children. Music teaches many important characteristics to the student related nice position and calm nature. Through Learning music the persons become popular as the same way they can be in a reputed profession and also it is a stress buster. For example, music gives different platforms to perform their skills and can become a great musician. By listening or learning the music the person feels pleasant and it might reduces the temper. Overall, music is more essential to learn to decrease many of illness and also to create a spirit for the students to learn it. This essay argued that the music is important for everyone to learn rather than computer and science for the children in the school. In my opinion, not only computer and science are needed to learn, music is also a part for learning in the school life.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are the priority
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s to educate the children with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This essay will argue why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
computer and science.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by teaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain ethical knowledge and awareness of environment. Meanwhile, it should be capable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
such standards of education. As the same way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should reach high position by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would be the
first
step to their success.
For Instance
, if the poor knowledge child could not be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
then the child will be in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unbalanced life. These few things
You should probably use "lead".
leads
to the unconditioned and
as well
as, unemphatic situation to a student.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
also
a passion for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
teaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characteristics to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
related nice position and calm nature. Through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
the persons become popular as the same way they can be in a reputed profession and
also
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
platforms to perform their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and can become a great musician. By listening or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
the person feels pleasant and it might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "reduce"
reduces
the temper.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to decrease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of illness and
also
to create a spirit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it.

This essay argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
rather
than computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
for the children in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
a part for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Music should not be taught in schools. Instead other subjects like computer and science should be taught. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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