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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both views and give your own op v.8

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. 8
Nowadays, shopping has become an increasingly popular activity among people due to the opening of a much large shopping mall. Thus, most of the retail shops are being closed. However, I strongly agree that it is a negative development due to two reasons. One concern in terms of shutting down the local shops is a lack of competition between shopping centres and small vendors. Although I concede that big retailers impart huge discount to their customers, it will not be possible if such small retailers are not there in the market. For instance, if such small shops will close for a lifetime, it tends to allow malls to take advantage of monopoly, which will result in people do not get any discounts, so consumers have to pay a higher price for that product irrespective of that cost. The slowdown of economic progress is another area of concern. Although I admit that large shopping mall also provides employment opportunities for the majority of people in different departments, I would argue that introducing new malls undoubtedly ruin the employment of retail shops. As for many retailers, their small business is the main source of income and livelihood, so opening big centres have a deleterious impact not only on the small business which a person has been run for generations, but also their family survival and education of children. As a result, such unemployment contributes to the slowdown country's economy, which is inevitable. To sum up, not only do opening new malls enables people to pay a higher price for the product, but also it reduces the economic progress of the country. Therefore, I strongly believe closing down of small shops have a negative effect on our society.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become an
increasingly
popular activity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the opening of a much large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
.
Thus
, most of the retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are
being closed
.
However
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development due to two reasons.

One concern in terms of shutting down the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is a lack of competition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
vendors. Although I concede that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
retailers impart huge discount to their customers, it will not be possible if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
retailers are not there in the market.
For instance
, if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will close for a lifetime, it tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
to take advantage of monopoly, which will result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any discounts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a higher price for that product irrespective of that cost.

The slowdown of economic progress is another area of concern. Although I admit that large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
also
provides employment opportunities for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
departments, I would argue that introducing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
undoubtedly
ruin the employment of retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. As for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
retailers, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business is the main source of income and livelihood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
opening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have a deleterious impact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
business which a person has
been run
for generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their family survival and education of children.
As a result
, such unemployment contributes to the slowdown country's economy, which is inevitable.

To sum up, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go opening".
do opening
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pay a higher price for the product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the economic progress of the country.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe closing down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on our society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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