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Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. Discuss both views and give your own op v.14

Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. 14
Music is considered as the foods for our souls and its relationship with human race is so intense that we cannot think of a single country or society that does not have its own music. Music is related to our relaxation, our festival, our national pride, prayer, celebration and many important aspects of our personal and social life. Socially and individually, music is listened by everyone as many claim that it can only benefit them but many others opine this and believe that it also has deteriorating effects on the former. Both the notions are scrutinised in the following paragraph followed by personal opinion. Undoubtedly, music is best way to express anything as listeners are able to connect better when they are hearing the same in musical tone. Furthermore, songs and music can also help individuals to learn better. To substantiate it, rhymes are used in the primary schools so that kids can learn new alphabets and numbers. Socially, the national anthem- which is also a music- is revered by all the countrymen and inspires people. Music is a part of prayer in any religions and cultures. However, modern music which is also referred as loud music is baseless and is just noise. They used plethora of instruments but everything in vain. As a society, we have to respect everyone and music should also be developed in the same way, however, this is missing in modern songs and attack to others with their songs. For illustrations, many punjabi songs promote guns and pit fights and they also have objectified women which is a black mark on our society. Having dwelled on such thoughts it can easily be said that music has no boundaries- it lives beyond ages and borders. I believe that music is helping to connect different societies and has done a commendable job. But music creators should also develop some sense of responsibility and should not disgrace anyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is considered
as the foods for our souls and its relationship with human race is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
intense that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of a single country or society that does not have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is related
to our relaxation, our festival, our national pride, prayer, celebration and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of our personal and social life.
Socially
and
individually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is listened
by everyone as
Possible agreement error. The noun claim seems to be countable; consider using: "many claims".
many claim
that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others opine this and believe that it
also
has deteriorating effects on the former. Both the notions are
Possible spelling mistake. 'scrutinised' is British English.
scrutinised
in the following paragraph followed by personal opinion.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
way to express anything as listeners are able to connect better when they
The verb 'hearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are hearing
the same in musical tone.
Furthermore
, songs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals to learn better. To substantiate it, rhymes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the primary schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids can learn new alphabets and numbers.
Socially
, the national anthem- which is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music-
is revered
by all the countrymen and inspires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is a part of prayer in any religions and cultures.

However
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is
also
referred as loud
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is baseless and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
noise. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
plethora of instruments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything in vain. As a society, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect everyone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
also
be developed
in the same way
,
however
, this is missing in modern songs and attack to others with their songs. For illustrations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
punjabi
songs promote guns and pit
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fights and
they
also
have objectified women which is a black mark on our society.

Having
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dwelt", the past tense form of the verb 'dwell'?
dwelled
on such thoughts it can
easily
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has no boundaries- it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
beyond ages and borders. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is helping to connect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
societies and has done a commendable job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
creators should
also
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sense of responsibility and should not disgrace anyone.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Music is played in every society and culture in the world today. Some people think that music brings only benefits to individuals and societies. Others, however, think that music can have a negative influence on both. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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