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music brings people from different age groups and cultures together. How much do you agree with this statement? v.1

music brings people from different age groups and cultures together. How much v. 1
Music has been played since the very beginning of human history: prehistoric music instruments, as well as ancient rock paintings portraying such an activity, had been found in archaeological sites. Furthermore, we have records, especially through our artistic heritage, that music has always been a central aspect of people’s gathering, developing through the ages with peculiar features in every culture. According to this, I see how music has and always has had the power of bringing people together, no matter their age or their cultural background. I can find evidence of this in my everyday life: my parents have always made me listen to singers and bands from their younghood and now we share the same music taste, even improvising our own “concert” every time we get into the car for a long drive. This is such a good way to enjoy our time together! Nowadays, almost everyone listens to international and commercial music: teens all over the world share their pop/rock idols and at concerts people from everywhere gather together to enjoy their passion. Though, I believe that the multiculturality of music goes way back in the time: for instance, it was in the Middle Era that European merchants imported Asiatic music, along with silks and spices, in the aristocratic courts. On the other hand, I find another example of the cultural heritage of music in my own one: in my region, during folkloristic festivals, it is still very common to play songs from the tradition, playing old instruments while wearing typical robes. This is a very nice way to make people know about my culture and I am always very pleased to invite friends to those gatherings. In conclusion, I personally believe that music can be a gap-filler not only between people belonging to different generations, but also between those who live on the two opposite sides of the world. It is an activity that warms people hearts and brings them together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
has
been played
since the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beginning of human history: prehistoric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
instruments,
as well
as ancient rock paintings portraying such an activity, had
been found
in archaeological sites.
Furthermore
, we have records,
especially
through our artistic heritage, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has always been a central aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
gathering, developing through the ages with peculiar features in every culture.

According to this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has and always has had the power of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together, no matter their age or their cultural background. I can find evidence of this in my everyday life: my parents have always made me listen to singers and bands from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
younghood
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we share the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
taste, even improvising our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
“concert” every time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the car for a long drive. This is such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to enjoy our time together!

Nowadays, almost everyone listens to international and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
: teens all over the world share their pop/rock idols and at concerts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from everywhere gather together to enjoy their passion. Though, I believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiculturality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
goes way back in the time:
for instance
, it was in the Middle Era that European merchants imported Asiatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, along with silks and spices, in the aristocratic courts.
On the other hand
, I find another example of the cultural heritage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
one: in my region, during
Possible spelling mistake found.
folkloristic
festivals, it is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to play songs from the tradition, playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
instruments while wearing typical robes. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nice way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know about my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
culture and
I am always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
to invite friends to those gatherings.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be a gap-filler not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
between those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on the two opposite sides of the world. It is an activity that warms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hearts and brings them together.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay music brings people from different age groups and cultures together. How much v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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