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Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and cultures together. Some think competitive sports can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss v.4

Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and cultures together. Some think competitive sports can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss v. 4
People are calling into question the usefulness of competitive sports. Whilst a number of people underscore the importance of competitive sports as a rewarding contentious topic in favour of a wide variety of public, others advocate that it tends to be problematic this type of sports which makes conflict among people. There are rational arguments on both sides of this controversy which will be discussed in detail, followed by my own take on the matter. On the one hand, the most compelling reason is that competitive sports are a cornerstone of flourishing one' s mental and physical abilities. That is to say, inextricably intertwined with other aspects of personality, sports are believed to be a lever to the recognition of capabilities of individuals by nurturing and working on them with all ages in various cultural background. More specifically, when a person tends to take part in a rivalry he should work out on specific skill eventually leading to improvement in the mental power. Such a person can display acumen in facing demanding situation and take decisive action in a dilemma due to learn to deal with in a difficulty. Therefore, rivalry allows people leaning soft skills such as making judicious and rising to a challenging circumstance. On the other hand, others put forward an argument that competitive sports may prove some drawbacks to people. Simply put, some of these competitors which their home country suffering from crippling sanction when faced with another competitor is bound to take revenge and follow their social ambition. Take Iran and the United States of America as the most obvious patently example; in free fighting competitions, participates invite each other by the internet to fight on the field. As a result of this, competitive sports have a far-reaching effect on rising conflict and tension between people from different countries. To conclude, the benefit accruing from competitive sports are by no means negligible, it is my firm conviction that in some cases it would be a causative factor to make a new enemy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are calling into question the usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Whilst a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
underscore the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a rewarding contentious topic in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a wide variety of public, others advocate that it tends to be problematic this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
conflict among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are rational arguments on both sides of this controversy which will
be discussed
in detail, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
take on the matter.

On the one hand, the most compelling reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a cornerstone of flourishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s mental and physical abilities.
That is
to say,
inextricably
intertwined with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of personality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are believed
to be a lever to the recognition of capabilities of individuals by nurturing and working on them with all ages in various cultural background. More
specifically
, when a person tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a rivalry he should work out on specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
eventually
leading to improvement in the mental power. Such a person can display acumen in facing demanding situation and take decisive action in a dilemma due to learn to deal with in a difficulty.
Therefore
, rivalry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaning soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as making judicious and rising to a challenging circumstance.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others put forward an argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may prove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Simply
put,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these competitors which their home country suffering from crippling sanction when faced with another competitor
is bound
to take revenge and follow their social ambition. Take Iran and the United States of America as the most obvious
patently
example; in free fighting competitions, participates invite each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
by the internet to fight on the field.
As a result
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have a far-reaching effect on rising conflict and tension between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.

To conclude
, the benefit accruing from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are by no means negligible, it is my firm conviction that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases it would be a causative factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a new enemy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think competitive sports, such as football, are valuable because they can gather people with different ages and cultures together. Some think competitive sports can cause problems because people are from different groups and countries. Discuss v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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