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Museums for many years have been the places of knowledge and cultural exchange. Nowadays there are more and more resources on the internet and museums will not need in the future. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

Museums for many years have been the places of knowledge and cultural exchange. Nowadays there are more and more resources on the internet and museums will not need in the future. v. 1
The children spent most of their time with parents and they got the chance to observe every act done by their parents. Therefore, parents are the best source of learning. Hence, there is a section of people in our society, those do not agree with this statement. I completely agree with the former group because the parents become the role model for their kids since they open their eyes in the world. Children have a special affiliation with their parents because they trust and listen to them without any doubt. Also, emotional attachment of parents with their children make them capable to understand the mentality of their children that directly help them to teach the moral, ethical and social values to be a good member of the society. For instance, the daughter of my uncle is five years old and she told me; we should not take anything without asking its owner. This is the teaching of her parents, which is not taught by any mentor. On the other hand, in this modern world, mother and father both have become the earning hand to feed their family. Ultimately, they sent their kids to hostels, where they taught and trained by professional teachers. They learn different subjects, and culture of the other students, those came from different areas of the country. They learn discipline and attitude to win any competition. But, it is noticed that the school’s curriculum is not designed to teach students the importance of speaking truth or honesty. Therefore, the higher education commission needs to modify their syllabus so students could learn every aspect of health society. In conclusion, every lesson taught by the parents is always more effective because of their natural love for their children. Even the students respect and obey their schools' teachers, but still first educational institute is the lap of their mother.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent most of their time with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the chance to observe every act done by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the best source of learning.
Hence
, there is a section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our society, those do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
become the role model for their kids since they open their eyes in the world.

Children have a special affiliation with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they trust and listen to them without any doubt.
Also
, emotional attachment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them capable to understand the mentality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to teach the moral, ethical and social values to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of the society.
For instance
, the daughter of my uncle is five years
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me; we should not take anything without asking its owner. This is the teaching of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which is not taught by any mentor.

On the other hand
, in this modern world, mother and father both have become the earning hand to feed their family.
Ultimately
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
their kids to hostels, where they taught and trained by professional teachers. They learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects, and culture of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, those came from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of the country. They learn discipline and attitude to win any competition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
is noticed
that the school’s curriculum is not designed to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the importance of speaking truth or honesty.
Therefore
, the higher education commission needs to modify their syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could learn every aspect of health society.

In conclusion
, every lesson taught by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is always more effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
respect and obey their schools' teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
first
educational institute is the lap of their mother.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Museums for many years have been the places of knowledge and cultural exchange. Nowadays there are more and more resources on the internet and museums will not need in the future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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