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Crime rates in cities continues to a problem. rWhat are the reason for this? What problems might this cause? v.1

Crime rates in cities continues to a problem. rWhat are the reason for this? What problems might this cause? v. 1
Technology is playing a vital role in every sphere of human life. It is controversial that whether people are getting more social or less social by connecting with modern devices. From my perspective, it is a true fact that science and automation helps individual to interact with myriads of people, however, rarely people met face- to –face which is considered the minimum level of socialization. First and Foremost, modern technology focuses on different types of gadgets such as the internet, smart phone, laptop, and so on, to name but a few. This, invariably, vouchsafes people to communicate with the unknown. For example, in smart phone, people have Facebook software through which it has been estimated that people are linking themselves with 5 billion people around the world. If such up-to-date machine had not invented, it was quite impossible to socialize themselves. Moreover, people use e- commerce sites for ordering their necessities and pay bills online with a click on the button. Therefore, since technology invents plethora of devices which helps even common people to connect with their kith and kin, beside the necessities of lives. On the contrary, even these devices reduce face-to-face contact with near and dear ones. Besides that, people discover that it is unimportant to collect anything through vis-à-vis communication. This is because, if a person is ordering something, it is coming within a day without any hassles of traffic jam and bargaining about that product. For that reason, people are indifferent to meet other people for executing any tasks, as a result, they are not explicitly socializing themselves even being the authority of the house or office. Ergo, 5G internet with smart devices deducts the connection skill with face-to-face which leads to less interaction with people. In conclusion, although science and technology have given lots of modern equipment which makes people socialize with limited perspectives of life, vis-à-vis communication has been reduced diametrically in recent time. From my opinion, the less people will interact with people, the less people will socialize.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is playing a vital role in every sphere of human life. It is controversial that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting more social or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
social by connecting with modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. From my perspective, it is a true fact that science and automation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individual to interact with myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, rarely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
met face- to –face which
is considered
the minimum level of socialization.

First
and Foremost, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
focuses on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of gadgets such as the internet, smart phone, laptop, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. This,
invariably
, vouchsafes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with the unknown.
For example
, in smart phone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have Facebook software through which it has
been estimated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are linking themselves with 5 billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world. If such up-to-date machine had not invented, it was quite impossible to socialize themselves.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
e- commerce sites for ordering their necessities and pay bills online with a click on the button.
Therefore
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
invents plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
even common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect with their kith and kin, beside the necessities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the contrary
, even these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
face-to-face contact with near and dear ones.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discover that it is unimportant to collect anything through vis-à-vis communication. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, if a person is ordering something, it is coming within a day without any hassles of traffic jam and bargaining about that product. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are indifferent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for executing any tasks,
as a result
, they are not
explicitly
socializing themselves even being the authority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or office. Ergo, 5G internet with smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
deducts the connection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
with face-to-face which leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interaction with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
lots of modern equipment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socialize with limited perspectives of life, vis-à-vis communication has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
diametrically
in recent time. From my opinion, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will socialize.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Crime rates in cities continues to a problem. rWhat are the reason for this? What problems might this cause? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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