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At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v.1

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 1
Large supermarkets are gaining popularity in many countries. Some people argue that small local businesses are finding it extremely difficult to survive in the midst of swift growth and development of supermarkets and that the local communities would die out as the local businesses shut down. I completely disagree with this argument and will try to explain in this essay why so. The reasons for supermarkets becoming popular are manifold. Firstly, they provide a single platform to customers where they can purchase everything they need, ranging from groceries to clothing and more. Consequently, they do not have to make multiple stops at different stores to get the needful, hence, making shopping extraordinarily convenient. Secondly, they offer a number of facilities including car parking, toilets, deli counters, resting areas to make shopping a more comfortable and fun experience. Thus, pulling more and more customers and multiplying the business. As more people opt to shop at supermarkets, local businesses suffer loss and eventually shut down. However, that, in no way, result in local communities' death. Today's customers are resourceful and educated. They have the means of transportation and time to go to supermarkets as shopping has transformed into entertainment. Convenience stores, on the other hand, still have a chance to survive by relocating to an area where there is enough clientage. All in all, local communities can travel to supermarkets just fine and can easily survive in the absence of local convenience stores. In conclusion, supermarkets have given local businesses a tough time. In my opinion, local stores can relocate to carry on and even if they do not, local communities will survive by shopping at supermarkets because they are capable of doing so.
Large supermarkets are gaining popularity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are finding it
extremely
difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
in the midst of swift growth and development of supermarkets and that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
shut down. I completely disagree with this argument and will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

The reasons for supermarkets becoming popular are manifold.
Firstly
, they provide a single platform to customers where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
everything they need, ranging from groceries to clothing and more.
Consequently
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stores to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the needful,
hence
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
extraordinarily
convenient.
Secondly
, they offer a number of facilities including car parking, toilets, deli counters, resting areas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
a more comfortable and fun experience.
Thus
, pulling more and more customers and multiplying the business.

As more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt to shop at supermarkets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
suffer loss and
eventually
shut down.
However
, that, in no way, result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities' death.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's customers are resourceful and educated. They have the means of transportation and time to go to supermarkets as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has transformed into entertainment. Convenience stores,
on the other hand
,
still
have a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
by relocating to an area where there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Possible spelling mistake found.
clientage
. All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities can travel to supermarkets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fine and can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
convenience stores.

In conclusion
, supermarkets have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
a tough time. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
stores can relocate to carry on and even if they do not,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
survive
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
at supermarkets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are capable of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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