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Museums are often thought to be boring, and many people perceive visiting them a waste of time. What do you think is the importance of museums, and how can they be made intersting? v.1

Museums are often thought to be boring, and many people perceive visiting them a waste of time. What do you think is the importance of museums, and how can they be made intersting? v. 1
It is often argued by many that visiting the museum is annoying and a waste of time because it still exhibits the same old relics. The concerned authorities should bring new forms of relics with modern modalities that can make the museum tour more enjoyable. Museum are exhibits old relics which now people are finding less enjoyable. Many people, especially teenagers, are looking for something more exciting and modern. Therefore, instead of visiting the museum and get to know about culture and heritage, they prefer to watch a movie in Cineplex or go shopping in shopping malls. For example, the Mohatta palace in Pakistan is a kind of a museum which depicts the many artifacts and relics such as weapons, ornaments, clothes, and utensils used by the people of medieval time. Sadly, in the present day, the attendance is negligible every day compare to the Atrium shopping mall, which is always packed. In my opinion, one way could be to bring more new artifacts from all over the world, besides the parent nation. Also, make the presentation of history and historical events in a modern way, like with a provision of high definition video with super quality audio theatre system. As a result, more teenagers and adults will get the feel of watching a movie, which makes them aware of the history in a more modern and exciting way. For instance, many museums in Washington show a nearly thirty-minute film before starting a tour, which makes the visit more enjoyable and interactive. To conclude, these days visiting the art galleries are boring by many people; however, It can make interesting by importing art pieces around the globe and present them differently.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is annoying and a waste of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
still
exhibits the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
. The concerned authorities should bring new forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
modalities that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
tour more enjoyable.

Museum are exhibits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding less enjoyable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, are looking for something more exciting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
.
Therefore
,
instead
of visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about culture and heritage, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie in Cineplex or go shopping in shopping malls.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohatta
palace in Pakistan is a
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
which depicts the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artifacts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relics
such as weapons, ornaments, clothes, and utensils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of medieval time.
Sadly
, in the present day, the attendance is negligible every day compare to the Atrium shopping mall, which is always packed.

In my opinion, one way could be to bring more new artifacts from all over the world,
besides
the parent nation.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the presentation of history and historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
way, like with a provision of high definition video with super quality audio
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
system.
As a result
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the feel of watching a movie, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them aware of the history in a more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
and exciting way.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Washington
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
nearly
thirty-minute film
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a tour, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the visit more enjoyable and interactive.

To conclude
, these days visiting the art galleries are boring by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
however
, It can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
interesting by importing art pieces around the globe and present them
differently
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Museums are often thought to be boring, and many people perceive visiting them a waste of time. What do you think is the importance of museums, and how can they be made intersting? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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