Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. v. 1
As crime become more prevalent, people are increasingly unwilling to go outside out of concern for their own safety, which brings forth many undesirable impacts on society. While some believe that little can be done to remedy the situation, I am firmly of the view that a more radical approach, including heavier investment in the security force as well as stricter punishment, can be the solution. On the one hand, many people argue that crime is a natural byproduct in an era of economic uncertainties, and any attempt to prevent crime would prove to be fruitless. It is becoming increasingly difficult to maintain financial securities these days, when economic downturns and massive layoffs due to technological advance have become the norm. Burdened with a huge debt from their mortgage while still trying to provide for their family, many jobless individuals have no choice but to turn to a life of crime. As governments themselves are struggling to stay afloat amid global recessions, any hope of reducing crime, which is merely a symptom of economic problems, seems to be very distant. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that there are still solutions to the problem of crime. Firstly, stricter sets of laws are required, and the punishment should be brutal enough to instill fear in potential offenders. For instance, the minimum punishment for any robbery should be ten years, and capital punishment should be applied for every case of murder. Secondly, the security force needs to be better funded and equipped, and the salary of police officers has to be raised. A motivated security force armed with the latest technology in criminal investigation would be a formidable deterrent to would-be perpetrator. In the final analysis, it seems to me that the debilitating impact of crime on our citizens means that the government needs to take the aforementioned measures to effectively combat the rising crime wave.
As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
become more prevalent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
increasingly
unwilling to go outside out of concern for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety, which brings forth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
undesirable impacts on society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
can
be done
to remedy the situation, I am
firmly
of the view that a more radical approach, including heavier investment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
force
as well
as stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, can be the solution.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a natural byproduct in an era of economic uncertainties, and any attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
would prove to be fruitless. It is becoming
increasingly
difficult to maintain financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
securities
these days, when economic downturns and massive layoffs due to technological advance have become the norm. Burdened with a huge debt from their mortgage while
still
trying to provide for their family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobless individuals have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to turn to a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
themselves are struggling to stay afloat amid global recessions, any hope of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, which is
merely
a symptom of economic problems, seems to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
distant.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that there are
still
solutions to the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Firstly
, stricter sets of laws
are required
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should be brutal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to instill fear in potential offenders.
For instance
, the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for any robbery should be ten years, and capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be applied
for every case of murder.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
force needs to be better funded and equipped, and the salary of police officers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be raised
. A motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
force armed with the latest technology in criminal investigation would be a formidable deterrent to would-be perpetrator.

In the final analysis, it seems to me that the debilitating impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
on our citizens means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to take the aforementioned measures to
effectively
combat the rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
wave.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Some believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime. Others feel that little can be done. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts