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Museums are becoming less important in our life due to the rapid development of technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Museums are becoming less important in our life due to the rapid development of technology. with this statement? v. 1
Whether or not museums still hold the same significance in the time of rapid advancement in technology has remained a burning topic of debate. While it is true that museums have several shortcomings which technology can resolve, I would argue that museums are of as great vitality to humanity as they were before the technological revolution. Museums do have numerous drawbacks regarding time limitation, artifacts maintanence and expensive price. Central to my stance is that museum visitors usually face time constraint caused by restricted opening hours. On the contrary, information on the Internet or even virtual museums are available at any time of the day; hence it is more convenient and schedule-fitting. Another critical downside of museums is that works on display are more vulnerable to damage. Certain exhibits are to be preserved in their own favorable conditions, which are quite hard for museums to cater for. This can lead to the destruction of valuable artifacts in the long run. Last but not least, museums visits are often costly. Not many museums are free, in fact, admission fees are often expensive. Additionally, there are other fees that are worth taking into consideration such as transportation, etc. which is usually not the case when using the Internet. Nevertheless, museums still grants exclusive merits in terms of social interaction and sensory immersion. In the first place, it is inevitable that museums promote social engagement. Visitors have a chance to attend exhibitions, conferences, festivals and other events; where they might meet like-minded companions. These meetings could spark meaningful and informed conversations, establish beneficial relationships as well as expand one’s social circle. A more observable benefit of museums is that it they provide sensory immersion. To illustrate, artists and art lovers would love to go to art museums such as the Louvre or the Van Gogh Museum to truly appreciate the artworks. Besides. several exhibitions introduce elements that can be touched, smelled, or even tasted in order to give visitors a fully engaging experience. All things considered, while technology does tackle several problems of museums such as time restriction, exhibits preservation and expensiveness, museums still have its own values namely social and sensory engagement. I am biased to the fact that the decision of visiting actual or virtual museums is based on one’s personal taste and preferences.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
still
hold the same significance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of rapid advancement in technology has remained a burning topic of debate. While it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have several shortcomings which technology can resolve, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are of as great vitality to humanity as they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the technological revolution.

Museums do have numerous drawbacks regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limitation, artifacts
Possible spelling mistake found.
maintanence
and expensive price. Central to my stance is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
visitors
usually
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
constraint caused by restricted opening hours.
On the contrary
, information on the Internet or even virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are available at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day;
hence
it is more convenient and schedule-fitting. Another critical downside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is that works on display are more vulnerable to damage. Certain exhibits are to
be preserved
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
favorable conditions, which are quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to cater for. This can lead to the destruction of valuable artifacts in the long run. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
visits are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
costly. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are free, in fact, admission fees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
expensive.
Additionally
, there are other fees that are worth taking into consideration such as transportation, etc. which is
usually
not the case when using the Internet.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
still
grants exclusive merits in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction and sensory immersion. In the
first
place, it is inevitable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
engagement. Visitors have a chance to attend exhibitions, conferences, festivals and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
; where they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
like-minded companions. These meetings could spark meaningful and informed conversations, establish beneficial relationships
as well
as expand one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle. A more observable benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is that
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they provide sensory immersion. To illustrate, artists and art lovers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go to art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
such as the Louvre or the Van Gogh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
to
truly
appreciate the artworks.
Besides
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
several
exhibitions introduce elements that can
be touched
, smelled, or even tasted in order to give visitors a
fully
engaging experience.

All things considered, while technology does tackle several problems of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
restriction, exhibits preservation and expensiveness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
still
have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
values
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and sensory engagement. I
am biased
to the fact that the decision of visiting actual or virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is based
on one’s personal taste and preferences.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Museums are becoming less important in our life due to the rapid development of technology. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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