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people are increasingly doing their shopping on the Internet instead of going to stores v.1

people are increasingly doing their shopping on the Internet instead of going to stores v. 1
Recently, with the development of the technology in the business area, there is an obvious trend that more and more people use online shopping instead of shopping on site. I personally believe this tendency has both positive and negative effects, which will be discussed below. On the one hand, there are some benefits of online shopping. Firstly, it is a quicker and cheaper way to shop since people can buy products at home without having to go to stores. For example, Lazada and Shopee are popular websites that provide a huge number of different products, and customers can visit those sites and make purchases easily. As a result, consumers can save time and the costs of travelling. Secondly, online shopping allows people to have a wider range of choices as they can compare different brands and products. For example, buyers can easily compare the shoes of Converse and Vans, while it is difficult to do that at physical stores. On the other hand, online shopping can be negative in several ways. The first drawback is that customers can’t try products before making a purchase. For example, a girl can’t try wearing a dress to see if it fits her body. Furthermore, products sold online are often less reliable, and the product that people finally get delivered to their house might have a poorer quality than expected. Finally, because online shopping is easier and cheaper, people tend to buy too much, which would lead to a large waste of money. This is less likely to happen if shopping in stores is more popular. In conclusion, as a coin always has two sides, internet shopping has its own positive and negative sides. If you are careful and have enough knowledge, you will have more benifits from shopping online than shopping in stores.
Recently, with the development of the technology in the business area, there is an obvious trend that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on site. I
personally
believe this tendency has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, which will
be discussed
below.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Firstly
, it is a quicker and cheaper way to shop since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at home without having to go to stores.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lazada
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shopee
are popular websites that provide a huge number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and customers can visit those sites and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
easily
.
As a result
, consumers can save time and the costs of travelling.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a wider range of choices as they can compare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
brands and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, buyers can
easily
compare the shoes of Converse and Vans, while it is difficult to do that at physical stores.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
in several ways. The
first
drawback is that customers can’t try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
For example
, a girl can’t try wearing a dress to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if it fits her body.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
sold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
less reliable, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
delivered to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
might have a poorer quality than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is easier and cheaper,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
too much, which would lead to a large waste of money. This is less likely to happen if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in stores is more popular.

In conclusion
, as a coin always has two sides, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides. If you are careful and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge, you will have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in stores.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay people are increasingly doing their shopping on the Internet instead of going to stores v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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